Why more women than ever are addicted to sex
Sex addiction is on the rise – here, we speak to people living with this very misunderstood condition
By the age of 21, Laurie Jade Woodruff was sometimes having sex with up to four different men a day.
Gripped by sex addiction, her whole life revolved around fulfilling her desires – she even chose a career as a lap dancer as an easy way to meet partners.
But, surprisingly, Laurie’s story is not unique. One in 10 men suffer from sex addiction, and one in 12 women – more than previously thought.
NO CONTROL
The condition is often viewed with scepticism, but research shows that it can have a hugely negative impact on sufferers’ lives. A survey of 2,325 adults found that seven per cent of women couldn’t control their sexual feelings, often missing out on social activities and neglecting their work and health in pursuit of sex.
Laurie says, “I used to think I was just very liberal – but now I realise I was a slave to my addiction. Sex was all I thought about. I had a boob job when I was 19, going from an A to an E-cup, as I thought it would make more men want to have sex with me. It might sound funny to some people, but it can take over your life.”
Experts believe that social media and dating apps like Tinder are causing a rise in the number of female sufferers.
Closer’s psychological therapist Emma Kenny says, “Social media and dating apps are making sex more accessible and offer instant access to thousands of single men and women seeking it.
“Of course it is OK to have lots of sex, but if it starts to have an impact on your life and cause damage to areas such as your job, raising a family or friendships – then you have a problem.”
Laurie, 30, says her issues with sex addiction can be traced back to her childhood. “My dad left home when I was four.
I wasn’t particularly close to my mum and I was bullied at school, so I craved love. It was a desperation to feel wanted,” she remembers.
FULFILMENT
“I always felt very aware of sex. I was just 12 when I lost my virginity to a friend. I loved the feeling of closeness it gave me. From then on, I used sex to give me a sense of fulfilment and would have it as often as I could. I never went longer than two weeks without it.”
After falling out with her mum, Laurie left home at 15. Shockingly, Laurie turned to the sex industry to support herself.
She explains, “I started glamour modelling and working as a lap dancer, and even though I was underage at first, I got away with it by saying I was older.
“It made me feel desirable. I had a boob job and antiwrinkle injections to keep me looking young. I was still in my teens, but I wanted to attract men for sex.”
By the time Laurie was in her early 20s, she was going out most nights looking for sex.
She says, “I sometimes had up to four partners a day. Dating apps weren’t around then, so I’d meet them on nights out and I’d go to swingers’ parties for sex with no strings attached. I slept with over 100 people in total and, if I had a partner, we would both agree it was an open relationship.”
But Laurie admits that many of her relationships were unhappy, and after she tragically lost her seven-week-old son Arthur to cot death in February 2015, she hit rock bottom.
She says, “Having Arthur was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I felt so happy – I didn’t need sex any more. But when Arthur died, my relationship with his dad broke down. We’d been on and off for years, so hadn’t planned children, but afterwards I started going out and having sex with strangers again to take the pain away.”
Laurie briefly reconnected with Arthur’s dad, and had a second son, Henry, in June 2017.
She says, “I struggled to bond with Henry at first because all I could think about was sex, so I looked at self-help books in the library and I realised I had a problem. My behaviour was ticking all the boxes for sex addiction – I was sleeping with three different men at the time and I knew I needed to change.”
CELIBACY
Laurie contacted Sex And Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) when Henry was three months old and was introduced to a 12-step programme.
She says, “I met with a counsellor and realised I wasn’t alone. I entered an initial 90-day period of celibacy and learned to meditate. I experienced withdrawal symptoms – I got the shakes, headaches and anxiety – but over time I found peace. I learned to control my urges, and accepted that my addiction wasn’t my fault.”
Laurie has now been celibate for four months and has used her experience as inspiration for her first novel, Diary Of A Sex Addict. She says, “I’m still a sexual person, but I’ve learned to channel my feelings differently. I wouldn’t rule out a monogamous relationship, but I want to stay single for now, so I can concentrate on my career and being the best mum I can be.”
❛ I HAD UP TO FOUR PARTNERS A DAY – IT WAS A DESPERATION TO FEEL WANTED ❜