SMACKING KIDS CAN IMPACT THEIR FUTURE

Research shows children whose parents hit them are more likely to become antisocial adults, with a higher chance of breaking the law and reckless behaviour. Emma offers alternative ways to discipline

I have never raised a hand to either of my children and I encourage parents not to either. People say “it never did me any harm”, but research doesn’t support that. Children who are smacked are more likely to grow into antisocial adults who have low empathy and even break the law. I don’t think that a light slap on the hand or bottom is going to turn them into a serial killer, but there are better ways to bring up children.

PUT YOURSELF IN YOUR CHILD’S SHOES

When I work with parents who hit their kids, I ask them to imagine screwing up at work and being slapped by their boss, or arguing with their partner and being belted by them because they dared to disagree. In both examples they would end up with a criminal record, and rightly so. Now, imagine the same scenario, but make your boss or partner three times bigger and stronger than you. That is how your child feels.

BE CONSISTENT

Hitting also doesn’t change kids’ behaviour for the better. They may stop what they are doing, but it will not help them to understand or process why you are unhappy with them and it will not teach them how to alter their behaviour. Studies have also shown that most parents hit kids dependent on their emotions that day. You have a bad day at work, or the car breaks down, and your kid gets hit for something that on a good day wouldn’t have bothered you. This lack of consistency is another reason to stop. To challenge bad behaviour, remove privileges.

DEVELOP A SYSTEM

Give stars for good behaviour and “strikes” for bad. After three strikes, they lose a favourite toy, for stars they get a treat. Another technique is to ignore the bad behaviour and only respond to the good with lots of praise, because kids desire attention, but can’t differentiate between good and bad. Finally, if you feel angry enough to slap your child, give yourself some time out. As long as they are safe, go in another room and calm yourself down, because no good parent should behave in a way that makes their children feel frightened of them.