HOW TO SUPPORT A PARENT WITH MENTAL ILLNESS

Depression affects a fifth of men and 28% of women aged 65 or over. Here, Emma, who has experienced this herself, shares how you too can help a parent with mental health problems

When my dad experienced his first period of acute psychosis 20 years ago, my whole world shifted. Recently, he experienced a terrifying three-month period of delusions and paranoia after suffering from sepsis. It can be hard, but you genuinely can help an older person living with mental illness, and I want to share how.

BE PATIENT & REASSURE

If your parent is withdrawn, unable to enjoy life, low in mood and struggling to maintain their lives, they may need support. While younger people tend to understand that being mentally ill isn’t a choice, and that there is no shame in it, for older people mental illness is often seen as a weakness. My dad has referred to himself as pathetic, and it breaks my heart, because he is the opposite. Cultivate patience, because at times they will exhaust you with negativity. This comes from fear so, if required, reassure them a million times.

GET INFORMED

The Mind website explains all mental illnesses simply, and offers tips to help. Telling someone to eat well, exercise and think positively will likely add to their feelings of failure. No one chooses to be mentally ill, so stop imagining they can just snap out of it. Many elderly people don’t have a support network, so reach out and remind them that you care. Visit as often as you can, particularly if they end up hospitalised, because you are their lifeline and psychiatric wards can be scary and lonely. We created a family and friends schedule that means Dad is supported constantly, but from a range of people so everyone gets a break.

FIGHT FOR THEM

If you feel they are not getting the right help, medication or support, complain loudly and often. Write to your NHS trust, and speak to The Patient Advice and Liaison Service. Becoming a pain really does get results. Educate yourself; I’ve learned every detail about my dad’s condition, from the medication he needs to the treatment plan that would work, and I’ve made it my business to know the law around hospitalisation, so I can reel off legislation from the Mental Health Act if needed. Your love really will make a difference.