‘I hate my dad for what he did to us’
Oil rig worker and coercive abuse campaigner Ryan Hart, 28, lives in Ashford, Surrey. He says, “Sally’s choice to kill was driven by her relentless suffering for years. I sympathise with Sally and her sons – they were the victims, not her husband. I understand why Sally did what she did. There were many times when I would look at my father and think, “If I don’t walk out of the room, I’ll kill you.” I hate my dad for what he did to us.
“My mum did all she could to shield me, my brother Luke, 29, and my sister Charlotte,
19, from our dad. But even as a child I knew he was evil. He would scream and shout at the slightest excuse. I was prodded and constantly told I was stupid. Perhaps worst of all was his constant threat to poison our beloved dogs. If we were late for a meal, we’d find him feeding them grapes or chocolate, which are poisonous to dogs.
“But it was worse for Mum – he treated her like a servant. He didn’t allow her to socialise, he accused her of having affairs, and he didn’t let her have her own money or passport. “Aged 18, I left home for university. Hearing stories of my friends’ happy home lives made me realise just how abusive my dad was. I started begging Mum to leave him, but she didn’t feel she could, as she had no money. And back then, coercive control wasn’t in the news as much – we didn’t think we could contact the police or a women’s refuge, as dad had never been physically violent.
“So, once Luke and I started working, we saved as much as we could for an escape fund for Mum and Charlotte. In July 2016 we had enough and moved them out while my father was at work. Finally, they were free.
“When, four days later, my dad asked to meet my mum, I thought it would be safe. They were going to meet at a leisure centre and my father’s public persona was of a placid man. But in the car park, Dad shot dead my mum and Charlotte, and then killed himself. I was away with work when I saw a news alert about a shooting in my home town. I contacted the police and they revealed the horrific news. A part of me felt guilty –
I hadn’t realised how easily Dad’s emotional abuse could have led to physical violence, too.
“It’s only since Mum and Charlotte’s deaths that I’ve learnt what a controlling man my dad really was. Police records showed past safeguarding issues – when Luke was three, after a row with my mum, Dad fed him a peanut, knowing he had a severe nut allergy. Luke ended up very ill in hospital. It was Dad’s way of showing my mum that he was the one in control and would stop at nothing to exert it – even endangering his own child.
“I miss my mum and sister every day, but I cope by campaigning. I need to tell the world just how dangerous coercive control can be.
By Mel Fallowfield
● Remembered Forever by Luke and Ryan Hart is available on Amazon. Visit Cocoawareness.co.uk