HOW TO GET YOUR PARTNER TO LISTEN TO YOU
When you first meet, your partner hangs off your every word, but often as commitment grows, so does selective hearing. Emma says both of you need to take responsibility and truly tune in
When you fall in love, everything your partner does and says is fascinating. Fast forward to a few years later, and if I asked what you and your other half last chatted about, at best you’d remember vague points and at worst you couldn’t recall a thing. As the stresses and responsibilities of life grow, time spent paying attention to each other diminishes.
PICK A GOOD TIME
It can be easy to start taking one another for granted. You assume you already know the really important details, so you justify your less-than-perfect listening skills. This can mean you start to ignore one another’s changing needs and fail to support each other, simply because you were not listening. Instead, learn to tune in to your partner. When it comes to important issues, work out when you are both at your most alert to talk. For my husband, any important conversation is useless before my second coffee.
REPEAT THEIR POINT
Be direct about what you need, rather than being annoyed they can’t read your mind. If you are not sure your other half has understood what you’re trying to get across, ask them to reflect on what they have heard. This means you both take responsibility for actioning whatever you have agreed or discussed and there are no crossed wires. Avoid nagging, and remember – if you have to repeatedly cover the same points, the information clearly isn’t going in, so you need to find a new and more efficient way of communicating. Getting a white board for your kitchen and writing what you need done is useful for practical stuff.
DON’T TALK OVER THEM
When you need to discuss big issues, allocate a time, and let one another speak without interruption. After each of you has said what you need to, consider what you’ve both taken on board to clarify your understanding. Keep good eye contact, nod, uncross your arms, and don’t turn your back when chatting. Great communication is key to a good relationship, and every couple requires a gentle nudge now and again to ensure both parties feel truly heard.