Mum of two: “I gave my ex-husband a kidney”
When her former spouse became chronically ill, Kelly Hope refused to stand by and risk letting her children grow up without their dad – so she came to his rescue
Divorce can bring out the worst in some couples – but Kelly Hope was only too happy to make a remarkable sacrifice for her ex-husband.
Kelly and Dan divorced in July 2012 after they grew apart. But when he became gravely ill five years later, Kelly stepped forward as a possible kidney donor, and was delighted when she proved a match for the life-saving operation.
Kelly, 44, explains, “I know there are some ex-couples out there who wouldn’t give each other the time of day, let alone a kidney! But when I learned how unwell Dan was, I knew I had to help – I couldn’t let our children grow up without their dad. “Now, Dan has to isolate for 12 weeks, as the transplant makes him more at risk of the coronavirus. I’ve told him he has to follow the rules strictly – he has to look after my kidney!”
HEALTH STRUGGLES
Kelly and Dan, both from Bromley, southeast London, met at school and began dating when they were 18. They had their first daughter, Billie, in 2002, before getting married in 2007. Their second daughter, Jeanie, followed a year later.
Then, in 2008, Dan started to struggle with his health. Kelly, a caterer, says, “He was tired all the time and had flu-like symptoms. At first, we put it down to him working overtime in his job as a London taxi driver. “But he continued to go downhill, and I ended up taking him to A&E, where he was given a biopsy. A week later, Dan was diagnosed with IgA nephropathy – an incurable kidney disease – in both of his kidneys.
“It was devastating, and really hard to understand, as there was no history of the condition in Dan’s family. He was given medication and we made changes to his diet and lifestyle – but he was told he would need a kidney transfer within ten years.”
The pair carried on with family life, but in 2011, their relationship broke down.
Kelly recalls, “We’d argue about everyday things – like the bills or household chores. We just weren’t getting on any more and we barely saw each other.
I worked as a PA, while Dan had long shifts in the cab – we were like ships in the night.
“There was no one else involved, but it soon became clear that the relationship wasn’t working.”
The pair decided to split. Dan moved into a flat nearby and their divorce was finalised the following year.
Kelly says, “We made the decision to stay close for the sake of the girls. Dan still saw us all the time and I kept attending his hospital appointments to support him.”
DETERIORATING BADLY
Then, in 2017, doctors informed Dan that his kidneys were only functioning at eight per cent. He was put on dialysis three times a week – for four hours each time – for over a year, and put on the transplant list.
Kelly says, “After a year, we hadn’t had a single call.
He was deteriorating badly, and the doctors had mentioned before that living donors were a possibility.
“There was a high chance that he’d die without a transplant. So, I told Dan I was going to get tested. He tried to talk me out of it, as he thought it would put both of us at risk, but I was determined and wouldn’t listen.
“I had to do everything I possibly could to ensure my girls still had their dad around.”
Over the next few months, Kelly underwent tests, which revealed she was a match. Although their daughters were worried, Kelly reassured them that she and their dad would be safe and well.
Kelly says, “I was given a dedicated consultant, who explained everything. I wasn’t at risk, because I was healthy and my kidneys performed much better than the average person’s. The only risk that worried me was that Dan’s body could reject my kidney.”
❛ THE NURSES WERE STUNNED WHEN WE TOLD THEM WE WERE ONCE MARRIED ❜
THUMBS UP
In August 2018, the pair went into hospital for the donation while Kelly’s aunt looked after Billie and Jeanie. Hours later, Kelly woke up in the recovery ward, where she was told the transplant had been a success.
She says, “I was groggy from the anaesthetic, but I saw Dan being wheeled past me and he gave me a thumbs up. I smiled back at him. I knew we were both going to be okay.
“Dan was taken to the next ward, and two days after the operation, he walked slowly round to see me. Already, I could see he looked so much brighter and even his skin looked healthier. The nurses asked how we knew each other and they laughed when we told them we were once married – they were stunned!”
A week later, Kelly and Dan were both discharged.
Kelly says, “I had to take things slowly for a long time, but watching Dan recover was worth it. He was so full of life. He thanks me all the time.”
And now, as COVID-19 continues to put lives at risk, Dan has to be extra careful. Kelly says, “As a transplant patient, Dan is considered vulnerable and was told to stay home for 12 weeks.
Kelly says, “For about four weeks in March, he was very unwell, and we suspect he had coronavirus.”
Dan has not been tested, but thankfully he’s now on the mend. Kelly says, “The girls can’t wait to hug their dad after lockdown.
“I miss him too, but there is no romance there. We both know it was in our best interests to split all those years ago – we’re just good friends now. Neither of us has met anyone else since our split, either. We’re both focusing on the girls for now. The most important thing is that Dan is healthy, and my girls have got their dad around.”