“I’m isolating with my family – but sneak out to meet my lover”
❛ THE CRISIS IS A HUGE WAKEUP CALL FOR ANYONE IN AN UNHAPPY RELATIONSHIP ❜
Last week, top Government scientist Professor Neil Ferguson resigned after he was caught breaking isolation rules to meet his married lover. It’s predicted that once lockdown is lifted, we will see a surge in extra-marital affairs – Illicit Encounters, a website for people seeking affairs, has already seen a 12% rise in women signing up. Closer talks to two women about how they’ve conducted their illicit relationships amid the pandemic….
For the past eight years Sue McCormack* has seen her married lover, James*, 57, at least once a week. But during the lockdown, the mum of three, who is also married, refused to be parted from her secret man – and shockingly, has even broken the rules to see him.
Sue, 43, who works in PR, says, “I don’t expect any sympathy, but not seeing James has been one of the hardest parts of lockdown. I miss him more than I imagined possible.
DIFFICULT
“When it all started, I didn’t imagine isolation would go on for so long – and it’s got more and more difficult.
“For the first few weeks, we survived on texts and calling each other, but eventually we gave in and had a snatched 30-minute meeting in a park between our houses in Leeds, where we just walked and talked. Seeing him was bittersweet – absolutely lovely at the time, but I missed him more than ever afterwards. We can’t do it often, though. It isn’t easy for either of us to get away on our own from home. And I don’t like breaking regulations – they’re there for very good reasons. We are both careful in all other respects, so it’s unlikely we will have caught coronavirus.
“I know I’ll be judged – I’m isolating with my family, but sneak out to meet my lover – but, like many affairs, it’s complicated. My marriage has been in trouble for ten years, but I can’t leave, as one of my daughters has mental health issues and we can’t afford two households. James makes me happy.”
Sue’s situation is far from unique. Recent statistics reveal that, in over a third of marriages, one or both partners have admitted to cheating at some point in the relationship.
Closer’s psychological therapist Emma Kenny says, “It’s hardly surprising that affairs are continuing even in lockdown. People who have affairs are already risking a lot – it’s unlikely they’re going to stop because of a virus, as foolhardy as that might be. And they are used to being duplicitous and managing to lie to see their lover, so they’ll just become more inventive. It’s natural to still want to see the person who makes them feel happy and fulfilled.”
And it’s not only established affairs that are developing.
Illicit Encounters, the website for extra-marital affairs, has seen a surge in people signing up, with an 18 per cent rise in male members and 12 per cent in women.
Jessica Leoni, sex and
Prof Neil Ferguson worked at Imperial College London relationship expert at Illicit Encounters, says, “We are seeing an explosion of Skype and FaceTime affairs, with cheats having video-sex sessions with new partners on their phones, laptops and home computers.
“When we asked our members, 54 per cent of men said they’d started new online affairs in the past four weeks as they were ‘bored’, while women said the crisis had exposed the weaknesses in their main relationship.
“Indeed, the crisis is a huge wake-up call for anyone in an unhappy relationship – it’s exposing all the deep fault-lines in failing partnerships and making people realise that they need to start afresh when the lockdown ends.”
It’s also been predicted that there will be a surge in divorces once lockdown is over.
Sue says, “I’m not sure if I will stay married. Usually my husband and I do a lot separately, and I’ve got reasons to believe he’s cheated, too. Being together constantly has been very difficult – it highlights the fact that we don’t get on anymore at all.
NO DOUBTS
“And I’m in no doubt that I will keep seeing James. We’ve kept it going with long phone chats – I go outside to speak to my friends otherwise my daughters disturb me, so it doesn’t seem odd when I take his calls and go into the garden. We text constantly, but I miss his physical presence. When I’m with him, I feel happy, and he keeps me sane – he makes me feel safe. He’s kind, funny, the sex is amazing and I love him deeply. That’s a very hard thing to consider giving up, especially when everything else in the world has gone to pot.”
By Mel Fallowfield