HOW TO COPE IF YOU’VE LOST A BABY
Jools Oliver has discussed having a miscarriage during lockdown. Here, Emma offers advice to women facing the same ordeal
Ihave endured five miscarriages, so hearing Jools Oliver speak about her loss breaks my heart. If you are going through a miscarriage, or have experienced one in lockdown, let loved ones understand your struggle. Often, women feel they should carry on as normal, but this isn’t healthy emotionally and isn’t helpful for the grieving process. The physical impact can also be traumatising, so let others shoulder day-to-day tasks like cleaning while you process your loss. Meet a friend for a walk, or invite them for a cuppa if going out feels overwhelming. Having someone listen can soothe some of the pain. I found it helpful to speak to other women who had miscarried.
It is a sensitive topic, but if someone you know has been through it, ask if you can call to explore what they found helpful. It can give a sense of hope and that someone understands. If you have a partner, remember that, while they may not fully understand your emotional pain, they will be affected, so check in daily to discuss how you are both managing. This unity can ease the burden of grief. I have a memory box for each baby I lost, with a pregnancy test, the ultrasound, and notes I wrote them. I found writing a letter to my lost babies cathartic, to express my love for them and to thank them for having been a much-loved part of my story. Sometimes, you need and deserve support. The Miscarriage Association has a helpline and excellent resources, while your GP can refer you for counselling and discuss medication that may help you better manage this difficult time.