Jeff: “It’s normal to feel rubbish – but you can improve bit by bit”
In a year that has challenged and strengthened our resolve and relationships, TV presenter and life coach Jeff Brazier shares what he’s learned along the way
Footballer-turned-TV presenter Jeff Brazier spent almost a decade bringing up sons Bobby, 17, and Freddie, 16, alone following the tragic death of their mum, Big Brother’s
Jade Goody, from cervical cancer in 2009.
Now happily married to Kate Dwyer, who took on the role of stepmum following their 2018 wedding, Jeff revealed during the early months of the pandemic that lockdown had strengthened their bond, crediting his wife with helping him stay “positive and focused in these slightly strange days of isolation”.
Now Jeff, 41, who’s a trained life coach and author of The Grief Survival Guide, is calling on his personal experience to host a new straight-talking podcast, Only Human, with the aim of helping people navigate the lows of lockdown.
“What everybody’s experiencing is difficult, and I can see how some people are struggling,” Jeff tells Closer. “I want to help them understand that it’s normal to feel rubbish and that we might all be struggling in different ways. This [podcast] is for people who just want to cope and be OK – you can improve your situation bit by bit.”
Here, Jeff shares how to stay positive, inspired and help each other...
I TRY TO WATCH OUT FOR EVERYBODY’S MENTAL HEALTH...
Last week, for instance, I could see that it was getting on top of the boys, so I said, “Right, we’re going to get a hot chocolate,” and we sat in the car and had a chat. That was enough to ease things and get a bit of perspective, because being in one place for prolonged periods of time is tough for everybody, but for teenagers especially.
EMPOWERING YOUR KIDS TO MAKE GOOD CHOICES IS KEY...
I feel the pain of parents of teenagers, especially at the moment, because there’s
a lot of uncertainty surrounding them and that can be demotivating. We’re trying to help the boys find out what works best for them in terms of schooling so they can still be happy at home. We’ve approached it in a way that I think works best, and that’s to empower them to make decisions for themselves, such as how many breaks they have, or if they have background music. There’s a balance to be had.
LET LOVED ONES DISCOVER THEIR INSPIRATION...
Bobby has impressed me in lockdown. A couple of months ago something just clicked with him, and ever since, he’s been really selfmotivated. He’s self-educating and reading a lot, he’s been watching a lot of YouTube stuff that’s going to advance and develop him. It’s amazing to see him using this time wisely. He’s really focused on what he wants his future to be – to see his progress has been really fun to watch.
YOU HAVE TO START SMALL TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOAL...
I’ve found good habits only work if they become consistent. If you want to start exercising in lockdown, instead of thinking, “I need to run 5km in 20 minutes,” try aiming for 2km, and build gradually without a set time frame. Starting something new isn’t going to work if you scare yourself off in those early days. Whatever your expectation is that you should be able to do, break it down and make it entry level. Make it realistic so it’s smaller and more manageable to start.
WE’LL ALL FACE GRIEF IN SOME FORM, WHETHER IT’S THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE, OR THE END OF A RELATIONSHIP, OR GROWNUP CHILDREN MOVING ON...
Loss is harder to deal with right now than ever before because there are so many limitations in the ways that you would usually say goodbye to someone. One thing that’s different is that we’re very good at finding distractions, which delays the initial onset of grief because we fight it and try to remove it from our day-to-day. But at the moment, you can’t do that. In some ways, that can be useful, because it can mean there’s nothing to hide behind, so you can start dealing with it a lot more quickly. One day you might look back on that as a helpful thing.
IT’S IMPORTANT TO GRIEVE OPENLY...
I’ve made every mistake you can make as the parent of bereaved children. A strong person in loss is someone who enables their children to grieve openly. If you’re someone who is showing your emotions to loved ones – even though it might feel like you’re hurting them by doing so – what you’re doing is giving them permission to let their feelings out, too. Grief will build up if we don’t express it by crying, or talking, or even screaming. We’re not set up to hold on to trauma, so we must share it and have those undesirable conversations. It’s brave but necessary.
INVEST TIME IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS...
Kate and I are stronger now than we’ve ever been. We must own our flaws, share them, take responsibility for improving them, and invest time in finding things that we love to do together. You have to be brave enough to embrace your vulnerability. If, like us, you’re in a relationship that’s strong enough to support the growth you’re both going through, you’re always in with a shout
[of making it long-term].
YOU NEED TO MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF...
Lots of people are running around and doing everything for everybody else, but not getting much time to be themselves. Simple things like making lists will help you to squeeze everything in. Recognise the pockets of time that you have in-between all the “must-dos”, and put in things that you want to do for you, like listening to a podcast or going for a walk.
MUSIC IS A BIG MOTIVATOR...
So make a playlist of songs that have that effect on you. If you want to feel calm, play music that makes you feel that way. In our family, there’s a mix of tastes with teenagers, but actually, I really enjoy listening to the boys’ music. If it’s just me, one minute I might be listening to classical if I need to focus, and the next it’s songs from an album that makes me feel good, like Fleetwood Mac.
LIVE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT…
Remember, all that matters is today. A lot of people find it very difficult to let go of what they used to be able to do before lockdown. It’s about taking charge of this day and giving it meaning and purpose. We have to make sure that we’re getting outside. That’s the most exciting thing that we can do right now, but it gives us a boost. ● Jeff’s new Only Human podcast is available to download every Tuesday from Apple Podcasts, Spotify, the Absolute Radio app and Absoluteradio.co.uk