“I felt isolated and forgotten in lockdown”
Three-quarters of new mothers have admitted that they’ve struggled with their mental health during the pandemic. We talk to two women about how they coped during lockdown…
When Emma Gatenby found out she was pregnant in July 2019, she was thrilled and excited for the future. But when she gave birth to her son, Elliott, in March 2020, the country was just going into lockdown and Emma admits that since becoming a new mum, she has felt a loneliness and isolation that she has never experienced before.
OVERWHELMED
Emma, 27, who lives with her husband, Jonny, 28, a web developer, in Newcastle, says, “It was overwhelming. I think all new mums have a degree of fear, but I was terrified of everything – particularly any or all of us catching Covid.
“In normal times you have visitors who come to see you and the new baby and help out. But obviously that couldn’t happen.
“My mum lives two doors down from me, but the only support she could give me was to stick notes on my window telling me to stay strong and that I could do it. It was just so sad, and forming a support bubble wasn’t an option until Elliott was a few months old.
“I’d started feeling down when I was still pregnant and the doctor prescribed me antidepressants and told me to make sure I met other new mums at baby classes but, of course, once lockdown was announced, they were cancelled. I couldn’t do the normal things like having my baby weighed.
“I felt isolated and forgotten. I felt so low that, when Elliott was eight weeks old, my GP referred me for therapy online.
“Jonny helped as much as he could, but he had to work and it was a real juggling act.
“There were days when I would just sit in a rocking chair with Elliott, staring at the wall just letting the hours pass – it’s been really hard.”
Megan Wright, an adviser for Action For Children’s Parent Talk, says, “Emma’s experience is very common. The number of calls we’ve had in relation to emotional well-being has doubled and, for first-time mums in particular, it’s been really tough.
WORRIED
“They have experienced a double-edged sword – there have been more stresses than normal, but the available support has been less than usual.”
Data from the Covid-19 New Mum Study showed that 56 per cent of the participants reported feeling down, 59 per cent were lonely and 71 per cent were worried. And a survey of 1,000 new or expectant mothers by Tommy’s charity found that seven in 10 felt overwhelmed at some point in their pregnancy, with 77 per cent saying the pandemic had added to their fears.
Megan adds, “The main theme we’ve seen in our callers is isolation. And a lot of mums have felt unsupported and just sad that they haven’t had the birth, pregnancy or maternity leave experience they’d hoped for. It should be a really enjoyable, fun, bonding time. But it’s been overshadowed by worries and difficulties.
“They couldn’t have family over to help them and get to know the new arrival. And mum friends are usually a lifeline, but many people haven’t been able to make any, as support groups weren’t happening in real life. And now women who gave birth are going back to work – this is a difficult transition even in normal times, but they have the added worry of going back when their baby has only really known them and therefore may struggle adapting to childcare. It’s going to be very hard for them for a long time yet.”
Emma is now back at work part-time and her mum is helping with childcare.
She says, “I thought I’d be going back after a year of meeting up with friends for coffee and going to baby classes
❛ THERE WERE DAYS WHEN I WOULD JUST SIT IN A ROCKING CHAIR WITH ELLIOTT,
STARING AT THE WALL FOR HOURS ❜
and bonding with other mums – but we’ve done none of it.
“With the vaccine roll-out and restrictions easing, I am starting to feel more positive, but it’s been such a tough year, it’s going to take a long time to get over.”
NERVOUS
Ecologist Stephanie Bennett, 32, who lives in Derby with her husband Dave, 33, who works in finance, and their four-year-old son, Arlo, found out she was pregnant with her daughter, Ottelie, on the first day of lockdown.
Sadly, she lost a baby in December 2019 and was understandably nervous about this pregnancy – but she had to go to her scans alone.
She says, “I was so nervous after our miscarriage and I felt really alone without Dave there. They wouldn’t even let me do a video call so he could see our baby. And just being in the hospital environment was nerve-wracking as I worried I might be exposed to Covid.”
Ottelie was born last November – during the second lockdown. Fortunately, by then, hospitals were generally allowing partners to be at the birth, but Stephanie was having an elective C-section after a tricky birth with Arlo and had to wait for the op without Dave.
She says, “I was scared about going down to the theatre and really needed Dave beside me. Then, after the birth, he was only allowed to stay for an hour. I was in a lot of pain and unable to get up to pick up my baby.”
Unfortunately, Stephanie’s experiences didn’t improve. A few days after the birth she had to go to A&E. Despite the fact she was breastfeeding, doctors wouldn’t let Ottelie stay with her while she waited to be examined and instead suggested she was wheeled out to the car park so she could feed her baby if she needed to.
SCARED
Stephanie says, “It was horrible and I now have such a fear of becoming ill and being forced to be apart from Ottelie again. A month ago, I confided to
Dave about how I’d been feeling since giving birth and now I’ve started counselling.
“I’ve also formed a support bubble with my parents, which has helped. I know we’ll get there, but it’s been so very hard and I really feel for anyone who has had a baby in the past year.”