AVOID SHOULDERING EVERYONE’S WOES

If you’ve become the emotional dumping ground for loved ones, Emma says you need to create some boundaries

If you are considered the go-to person for advice by your friends and family, chances are you have found people wanting more support than ever. You may be a wonderfully empathic person, but without boundaries, you are likely to feel emotionally exhausted. Constantly listening to other people’s fears can even cause you to suffer from secondary trauma and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)-type symptoms. Be honest about the space you have to attend to other people’s needs. If you know that when your sister calls for advice it means shelving something important, let her know you can’t talk right now but you will call her back. When you do, try starting the conversation with a time scale, so, “I thought I’d call as I have 20 minutes” – this means you can help, but prevents you getting bogged down for hours. You can also compassionately say that you are not in the right head space to discuss worries, or suggest that you both shift the focus of your chat to some positives, avoid talking about problems and spend time recounting great memories. Many of us feel guilty if we don’t answer every email or message immediately. Allow yourself time away from tech to recharge, and you won’t feel resentful when people need a compassionate ear. Ensure you spend time with people who bring you joy, too. To really help a loved one with problems, help them to develop the resources and resilience to thrive. Direct them to a self-help group, encourage them to sign up to a new interest, or suggest they seek professional help via their GP.