CONFIDENCE SPECIAL
2 WORDS TV GUIDE THAT CHANGE INSIDE! EVERYTHING
Welcome to The Boost – our brilliant new wellbeing brand, full of ideas, tips and inspiration for quick, easy and positive things you can do for an instant pick-me-up and long-term results. Whether you want to Boost your mind, body, soul, finances, relationships, love life or style, we’ve got recommendations for things that actually work. Check out the great weekly content in the magazine, or scan this QR code to follow The Boost on Instagram.
When was the last time you had a wobble about the way you looked, or tried to ignore the nagging doubts that seem to have hijacked your peace of mind? We all suffer from low self-worth occasionally, but the good news is that it doesn’t have to stay.
In fact, according to husband-and-wife TV therapists Nik and Eva Speakman, anyone can become confident. “You just have to practise,” says Eva. “Confidence is like a muscle – the more you exercise it, the bigger it’s going to become.”
Nik and Eva are famous for helping a multitude of celebrities – including Holly Willoughby, Kym Marsh and Vicky Pattison – with their clever techniques. The duo have studied and worked together since 1992, and live in Manchester with their two children. They’ve trained in numerous psychology and psychotherapy practices, helping thousands of people in person, at workshops, or on television. The couple have developed “schema conditioning therapy”, which helps recondition negative thoughts or behaviours, and have since treated people with issues such as eating disorders, PTSD and phobias. And their new book, Everyday Confidence, is packed with practical advice and tools to silence your inner critic. Here, we bring you some of their top tips…
ROLL OUT OF BED ON A HIGH
Just a few minutes of morning gratitude can boost confidence. “Gratitude is a great tonic – it’ll transform your life,” says Eva. “It elevates your mood and, if things go wrong during the day, you’ve started from a higher position so your emotions won’t drop as low. Feeling grateful gives you strength and happiness.”
Each morning, Nik and Eva snooze their alarm, then get up and spend seven minutes considering everything they feel grateful for. “I start with the fact I’ve woken up,” says Nik. “Then I think about our children. I might feel gratitude for the fact I have a cosy bed, or that I have food in the fridge. It’s incredibly powerful and has a massive effect on how we feel about ourselves.”
MIMIC A POWERFUL TV STAR
The expression “fake it to you make it” is truer than you think. “Pretending to be confident will actually help you adopt new, confident
behaviours,” says Eva. “Imagine if you had to force yourself to use a different accent. After a period of time, you would start to adopt elements of that accent even when you stopped trying. The same is true for confidence.”
If you’re nervous in social situations, do a trial run. “Rehearse how you’ll behave and what you’ll say. It gives you a security blanket,” says Nik.
Adopting an alter ego could help, too. “Think of an actor or character who always appears confident or powerful,” he adds. “In situations where you feel nervous, imagine yourself stepping into their body and being them – watch their posture, for example, and the words they use. It gives you a bit of a persona and will help you gain confidence.”
LET OUT A SIGH TO DESTRESS
If you’re faced with doing something out of your comfort zone – whether that’s going on a date or a job interview, for example – then Nik and Eva’s “sighing technique” can help. Like meditation, they say it releases calming alpha brainwaves, but in a fraction of the time.
“This works wonders,” says Eva. “In your mind’s eye, see yourself doing whatever it is really confidently, and sigh. Do this five times – start with a normal sigh, then with an exaggerated sigh. The third time, sigh and let your shoulders drop, then the fourth time, sigh, let your shoulders drop and your bottom sink into your seat. Then do one final big sigh! That’s the rehearsal – just before you embark on whatever it is for real, have another big sigh.”
Sighing acts as a physiological and psychological reset, signalling to your brain and body that the task you’re uncomfortable with has been completed.
Nik adds, “We naturally give an unconscious sigh when something’s over. By sighing when you visualise the issue, you’re tricking your brain into thinking, ‘That’s not a problem any more, I’ve done that, it’s over.’ When you do it for real, you don’t feel as anxious.”
WRITE YOUR WOW LIST
Jot down a list of five things you’ve achieved. This could include anything from the fact your partner loves you to a job you’ve particularly enjoyed.
“It’s everything that’s ‘wow’ about you,” says Eva. “Start blowing your own trumpet, then keep the list by your bedside. Reading it in the morning will help you take on your day ahead with confidence. It will help you develop self-love. From an early age, we are socially conditioned not to brag about our achievements. But if you don’t recognise what you’ve achieved in life, how can you feel good?”
ACCEPT PRAISE WITHOUT QUESTION
Think back to the last time someone said you looked well. Did you tell them you’d put on a few pounds, or joke that you’d finally washed your hair? We find it hard to accept compliments, but deflecting them erodes our self-confidence.
“Every time you deflect a compliment, you’re cultivating low self-esteem,” says Eva. “You’re effectively acknowledging that you don’t deserve it.
“To start building your confidence, just say thank you. The more you say thank you, the easier it becomes. We accept all the negative things that are said, but those are the ones that should be deflected, not the nice things!”
USE THESE TWO WORDS
Positive thinking doesn’t just help you believe in yourself – it’s also linked to lower rates of depression and better health.
Next time you catch yourself thinking or saying something negative, try adding “but luckily…” and adding a positive twist. It’s so simple, but those two little words then transform the way you think.
“This is a great technique to turn any negative into a positive,” says Eva. “For example, if someone worries they’ve said something silly in front of friends, they might think, ‘Oh my god, it must have sounded really bad... BUT LUCKILY, everyone else says silly things, too.’ It helps you reframe negative situations.” By Sophie Barton ● Everyday Confidence: Boost your self-worth and build unshakeable confidence, by Nik and Eva Speakman, will be published by Orion Spring on 8 July
2021 for £14.99