Tanya Bardsley: “I felt overwhelmed and drowning in life before my ADHD diagnosis”
Real Housewives Of Cheshire star Tanya Bardsley opens up about her battle with her mental health and how she turned things around in time for her 40th birthday
Tanya Bardsley is the only
Real Housewives Of Cheshire original to have starred in all 13 series of the hit ITVBe reality show.
But behind the scenes, the hilarious and fiercely no-nonsense mum-of-four has been at the centre of her own personal drama
– a battle with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), a behavioural condition defined by inattentiveness, hyperactivity and impulsiveness, which left her feeling suicidal.
Tanya reveals, “There have been loads of times when I haven’t felt able to carry on, and only the fact that I’ve got four children and a lovely husband has stopped me.
“When you have ADHD it’s like having 17 TVs on in your head. You can’t focus and there’s a lot of noise in your head. You feel like you’re being smothered, overwhelmed, like you’re drowning in life.”
She adds, “There’s an inner restlessness, like something bad is going to happen, so I’m biting my fingernails all the time. It’s a nervous energy. One-in-four women [with ADHD] tries to commit suicide. It’s so common and often undiagnosed.”
Former model Tanya has been treated for anxiety and depression most of her adult life, but in March – six weeks before her 40th birthday in April – a private specialist diagnosed her with ADHD. Sufferers are more likely to experience mental health problems and Tanya concurs that anxiety can be a trigger.
She is now gradually weaning herself off antidepressants and takes a drug used to treat ADHD to manage her symptoms.
MEDITATION
She also uses a series of holistic coping mechanisms. When her “head is on a roll”, she curbs spiralling thoughts by meditating every morning. She says, “I change my negatives to positives. Meditation helps keep my mind focused. Your brain’s like your bum – if you don’t train it, it’s going to go saggy.”
Although Tanya admits “life’s not perfect and there’s no magic pill” to cure her ADHD, she has noticed a remarkable improvement in her mental health since the diagnosis. She says, “Knowing what’s wrong with me makes me feel calmer and because I know what it is, I think, ‘That’s not me.’ I can separate myself from the symptoms.”
And comparing how she feels today to six months ago, she adds, “I was a minus one in my bad places, but now I’m an eight.”
There has also been an improvement in her relationship with here3 former Manchester United footballer husband of seven years, Phil Bardsley, 36.
Tanya laughs, “Well, now I text back! My husband would always be like, ‘Why’ve you not texted me back?’ It’s because I’m easily distracted. He’d text me and I’d go, ‘Ooh biscuits!’ Then never reply. I’m so much better at work and life in general.”
Following Tanya’s ADHD diagnosis, she decided to make some lifestyle changes when she hit 40. As well as ditching alcohol
to help “balance the chemicals” in her head, she became stricter with exercise and hired personal trainer Assan Bin Amissi, who she now works out with three to four times a week.
FOCUSED
“Before I turned 40, I was always really inconsistent. I’d go to the gym one day, then be eating ice lollies before bed the next. I’m so much more focused with exercise now and feel better for it,” says Tanya, who also reduced her sugar intake and dropped a dress size, going down to a size 6-8 in three months.
In May, Tanya and Phil took a family holiday to Portugal. So how does she feel in a bikini at 40? “I feel great but not [with] my belly so I wear high-waisted briefs,” she says, nodding to the loose skin on her tummy following four pregnancies with daughter Gabriella, 19 – from a previous relationship – and her sons with Phil, Rocco, 12, Renz, eight, and Ralphi, four.
Tanya, who has previously had a boob job, liposuction and vagina-tightening laser treatment, says she will go under the knife to perfect her stomach – eventually.
“I keep thinking about it but there’s just no time. I think it’ll just have to wait until they’re a bit older,” she says. “My little one still likes to be carried around and Phil’s just had the snip, so Ralphi’s my last baby and I’m not missing out on carrying him around!”
Tanya and Phil were considering having baby number five – until the pandemic hit.
“That’s what lockdown taught us – we do not need any more kids. No more!” she laughs, recalling the struggle that she and Phil – like so many parents – faced with homeschooling. “I couldn’t get my boys to sit down, let alone homeschool them. I’m dyslexic and so are Phil and Rocco. It was just a nightmare.”
As for helping herself, Tanya recently discovered religion and says praying
“to god, my angels, my higher power, the universe” helps to support her emotionally.
She says, “It’s like your own little therapist that’s looking after you up there. We’re only human, but I do believe there is someone up there.”
Is Phil on the same spiritual page?
“Not at all! she says. “He knew what he married though!”
By Gemma Calvert
● The Real Housewives Of Cheshire airs Mondays at 9pm on ITVBe and is available to catch-up on the ITV Hub
‘Knowing what’s wrong with me makes me calmer’