CAN IT WORK WITH AN EX SECOND TIME ROUND?
Celebs J-Lo and Ben Affleck are back together after almost 20 years apart, and are said to have learned from past mistakes. Here, Emma describes how to ensure a rekindled relationship works
Exes tend to be exes for good reason – because you didn’t work together as a couple – so the vast majority of us move on without regrets. Occasionally, however, this isn’t the case. If your relationship ended because you both wanted different things, or a job was making the relationship challenging, for example, you may have parted despite still having feelings for one another and the door may be ajar to reconnect.
EXPLORE THE SPLIT
Getting back with an ex-partner can work, as long as you investigate why you broke up in the first place. This means sitting down together to talk through all the things that you felt contributed to the split.
If you honestly examine the problems that led to the end of the relationship, you can both acknowledge the part you played. You will then be able to see things from each other’s perspective.
RECOGNISE CHANGES
It is also important to be conscious of what is different in your lives, to make giving it another go worthwhile. Discuss the shifts, personal growth and life experiences you’ve both had, to foster a sense of trust and development as you reconcile. Also, reflect on how different you both are, years later, and whether it is possible to blend families, for example. Your relationship this time around may have much more emotional baggage than when you met in your youth. Similarly, if you are pining for a lost love but they are happy in a new relationship, stay away. You are likely yearning for the life you had then – the freedom of youth, not the person you were with.
KEEP TALKING
If you both want to give it another go, you need effective communication strategies. This means that if any of the previous problems resurface, you can attend to them immediately, preventing negative patterns. Commit to sitting down together at the end of each week for 30 minutes over a coffee or a glass of wine to analyse how you are feeling and to review how things are working. So often, relationships fail because partners bottle up resentments, which become toxic, so don’t let that happen.