“My marriage ended during the pandemic – but I’m happier than ever”
Helen Thorn was devastated when her relationship of 22 years imploded, but now she’s having the last laugh…
As a comedian, Helen Thorn thrives on making other women laugh but, just as the UK went into the first national lockdown last year, she found herself heartbroken. Her life imploded when her marriage ended and she found herself facing the pandemic as a single mum.
But 16 months on, Helen has transformed her life. She’s happier than ever and has rediscovered the joys of dating – and sex. She has even written a book about her experiences, called Get Divorced Be Happy, and is back touring in comedy duo The Scummy Mummies.
Helen, 42, says, “My marriage ending was awful, but it was also a gift. I thought being in a long-term relationship meant everything, but I’m 100 per cent happier now.
“I go on the holidays I want to go on and I have decorated my house the way I want it. I want other women to know that if divorce happens to them, they can find happiness, too – it’s not the end of the world, just the start of an exciting new one.”
Ironically, as 2020 dawned, Helen was excited about the year ahead. With a decade of marriage under her belt and two children, now aged 12 and 10, she was content and had plans to renovate their London home.
DEEP SHOCK
She says, “I thought 2020 was going to be our best year yet. I had a husband I adored and we started it by celebrating our 10-year wedding anniversary with a night away.
“We met in our native Australia at college, when we were 19. I fell madly in love and in 2010 we got married and we went on to have our gorgeous son and daughter.”
But that March, Helen was using her husband’s blazer as part of her daughter’s World Book Day costume when she found a letter to him in the pocket.
“Let’s just say it wasn’t from me,” she explains. “When
I read it, I went numb and felt sick. I felt like I’d been punched, but I went into autopilot and got dinner ready for the kids.”
That night, Helen sat her husband down and told him what she’d found.
“I told him we were over,” she says. “There wasn’t an explosive fight – it was just done. But I felt a terrible pain, literally like my heart was breaking. I went into deep shock – I’d put years into my marriage, and I’d wanted it to last forever. But at no point did I think about saving it. Both of us had been set free by the discovery of his betrayal. We talked and both cried, but it was over.”
Just as the first lockdown began, Helen’s husband moved out. In the midst of the pandemic, she was left heartbroken and home-schooling.
She says, “I tried to make things as fun as possible for the kids – we went for long walks in the woods and laughed, hugged and comforted one another.
“After 22 years together, it felt like all my happy memories had been shattered. I was so angry that he thought it was fine to treat me that way and that I had been robbed of happiness.
And it was so hard because I couldn’t see anyone because of the restrictions. I cried on the phone to friends, waved at them from two metres away at the park and had virtual sessions with a psychotherapist, too.
BLESSING
“But as harrowing as it was, being locked in the house was almost a blessing. I couldn’t be distracted by anything other than my rage and sadness, so it was like a heartbreak boot camp. I had to accept I was going to be really sad and, while it was horrific, it sped up the grieving process.”
Helen’s friendship with comedy partner Ellie Gibson also pulled her through. While Helen’s children stayed with their dad at weekends, the pair teamed up remotely to do live Instagram shows, performing sketches about Covid and
home-schooling to their
159k followers.
She says, “I was doing the job I loved and cheering people up during a dark time with our daft jokes, and it was helping me, too.”
❛ WHEN IT CAME TO DATING AGAIN, RATHER THAN BEING SCARED, I COULDN’T WAIT TO GET MY KNICKERS OFF ❜
BLANK CANVAS
Three months after her ex left, Helen says she turned a corner.
She says, “I woke up and didn’t feel sad. I began to realise I had this new blank canvas for life and that I could fill it with everything I loved. I looked different, too – my eyes were more sparkly and my skin began to shine. Together with the kids we regrouped, and found our happiness again.
“A few months after we separated, my ex started a new relationship. I tried not to cry
– I wasn’t jealous, I just didn’t want the kids to get hurt.”
Later that summer, when restrictions eased, he took the children away for two weeks and she decided to “live like a 21-year-old.” She went drinking with friends, lined up Tinder dates and rediscovered her libido with one-night stands.
She says, “When it came to dating again, rather than being scared, I couldn’t wait to get my knickers off. I’m a curvy size 18 with stretch marks, but I made a conscious decision that I wouldn’t care. I could have made a list of 100 things I hate about my body, but I decided to put that to one side, really enjoy sex and see what happened – and guess what? I had a great time!
“Since then, I’ve slept with a charming French man, a posh photographer and a Portuguese chef. My age range on apps is 28 to 48 – there are a surprising number of younger men who want to date me.
“After 22 years with the same man and having an average sex life, I had no idea I could feel this amazing.”
POSITIVES
Helen and her ex split the childcare over school holidays and he looks after them at the weekends. But while she enjoys dating when her children are away, Helen isn’t looking for a partner. Instead, she’s throwing her energy into her Scummy Mummies parenting podcast, and has written a raw yet funny book about her experiences. Get Divorced Be Happy shares her roller-coaster journey, while offering great advice to anyone suffering heartache.
Helen, whose divorce isn’t yet finalised, says, “I sobbed while writing it, but it was incredibly cathartic. So many positives have come out of something that was horrific. I felt like I’d been shattered into pieces, but I’ve rebuilt myself into a stronger, more resilient version of myself. Now I don’t fear disappointment or sadness, because I know it’s not forever. I adore my new life and I feel giddy about all the things that lie ahead.”