The terrible cost of “wine o’clock”
Shocking new figures reveal that the number of women drinking at ‘high risk’ levels was up by 55 per cent during the first lockdown. Here, Rhian Williams reveals how her drinking spiralled out of control...
❛ HANGOVERS WERE TERRIBLE – I’D STICK THE KIDS IN FRONT OF A FILM TO GET THROUGH IT ❜
After picking her girls up from school, Rhian Williams would relax with a bottle of wine. She’d often have another, before moving on to gin. The mum-of-two didn’t consider herself an alcoholic, yet she was drinking 70 units a week – far more than the recommended 14 unit allowance for women.
It wasn’t until her husband, Chris, 40, asked her to leave the family home that she finally realised she had a problem.
Rhian, 37, from Swansea, says, “To me, an alcoholic was someone drinking on the street corner at 10am. But I suddenly realised that my behaviour wasn’t normal.
“I went to an Alcoholic Anonymous (AA) meeting the very next day. Now, I’ve been sober for over 18 months, and feel the best I have in years.”
There were 7,423 deaths from alcohol misuse in England and Wales last year, more than any of the previous 20 years. Data shows the pandemic was a huge contributing factor, with deaths increasing from March 2020, when the first national lockdown was enforced. In particular, the number of women drinking at “high-risk” levels rose by 55 per cent during the first lockdown. David Nutt is a Professor at Imperial College London, specialising in the research of drugs that affect the brain. He says the pandemic put greater pressures on women than men.
CHEAP ESCAPE
David says, “Even working women still do the majority of household tasks, and they had to continue to do these with extra obstacles, like male partners and children home from school getting in the way. They were also denied other stress-relieving activities, such as exercise and social time with friends. Alcohol is a quick and easy way to escape, but it has a long term-cost.”
Rhian says her alcohol use increased gradually.
She says, “I started drinking heavily at uni, and over the years I built up a tolerance. I needed to drink more to feel the effects.”
When she married Chris in 2009, they’d share a bottle of wine on the sofa two or three nights a week. And within two weeks of giving birth to each of her children, Annabel, 11, and Olivia, eight, Rhian was back on the booze.
She says, “By the end of 2013, I was polishing off a bottle of wine four nights a week.”
But Rhian, then a project manager, convinced herself she didn’t have a problem. She says, “I’d concentrate on what I didn’t do – I didn’t crave a drink in the morning, or drink every single night, so I thought I was OK.”
By 2016, Rhian and her husband would regularly argue about her drinking. She’d give up for a month to “prove” she could, but would quickly go back to old habits.
Rhian says, “I’d sneak in a glass of wine before Chris got home, and then openly drink a bottle in front him. But I started to long for the evenings when he was away with work or out with friends, when I could open a second bottle and have some gin. I’d start drinking while
I was cooking dinner for the kids, until I went to bed.
GROGGY
“During the week, I didn’t feel hungover – I thought everyone was groggy in the morning. But at the weekend, the hangovers were terrible. I’d stick the kids in front of a film and try to get through it.”
But one evening in March 2020, Chris got home to find Rhian drunk yet again – and it was the final straw. The next morning, she woke up to a text message from him, asking her to leave.
She says, “I’d taken the girls to
the corner shop to buy sweets, and picked up some wine for myself. I’d bought two bottles, only intending to drink one, but I polished off both. I hid one of the bottles, but Chris had found it. When I saw the text message the next morning, my heart dropped. I couldn’t believe my husband wanted to split up with me, and that my wine o’clock habit could be costing me my marriage. I refused to leave and told him I’d get help instead. The next day, I went to my first AA meeting. On the drive there, I was in tears. I was convinced there wouldn’t be anyone like me there, but when I found the courage to walk in, there were people of all ages, from all walks of life.”
The following week, the UK was plunged into its first national lockdown. Rhian says, “I was nervous that I’d struggle to cope without alcohol, but being forced to stay home actually helped me to quit. I listened to lots of sober podcasts, and found a sober community online.
“With the pub no longer an option, I had no choice but to bunk down in my booze-free bubble with Chris and the girls. Chris would only have the odd drink on a video call with his colleagues, so I didn’t feel like I was missing out.”
Over the next three months, Rhian learned techniques to help her cope with cravings.
She says, “If I found myself longing for a glass of wine, I’d run a bath or read a book. Nonalcoholic drinks helped, too. I also confided in friends and family, and Chris was great – he was really encouraging, and understood that my cravings could make me irritable.”
Now, Rhian appreciates the huge benefits of giving up alcohol. She says, “I sleep well and my skin looks clearer. I also exercise three times a week.
“I’m more present for the girls, I’m not half-listening to them while looking for my glass of wine. Thankfully, they’ve told me they never felt ignored, but I know I’m less snappy with them, and we love doing activities all together. ”
ASHAMED
Rhian has set up a sober coaching business, helping other women, through oneto-one sessions and video lessons. She says, “When I first went sober, I felt so ashamed about my addiction. But it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
There are so many women like me – mums with full-time jobs, seemingly functioning – but they’re actually in the depths of addiction. I’m proof that you can change your life for the better.”
● Visit inmysoberskin.com to learn more.