‘I felt sleazy and ashamed’
Kirsty Adams*, 23, lives in Sheffield with her boyfriend. She says “In 2019, I went to university in Huddersfield to study psychology. I qualified for full student funding of £9,000 but, due to a mistake with my paperwork, I only received £3,000 at first, half of which immediately went towards paying for my accommodation. I had a bit of money left over from the PPI job I’d left to start university, and I scrimped and saved, but as the end of term approached, I was in a financial mess. I didn’t have the money to eat, and was surviving on one meal a day of tinned hot dogs and noodles. I tried working in retail, but it was hard to find the hours around my studies. Then, a friend of mine suggested I set up an OnlyFans account. At first, I just took pictures of myself in underwear. It felt no different from posting a bikini photo of myself on Instagram and I thought the men who subscribed to me were silly for paying for something they could see for free on social media. It felt empowering and I was totally comfortable with my situation. But after a few weeks my subscribers wanted to see more and were willing to pay. Over the months I ended up doing things I didn’t want to do. First I showed my face, which made it feel quite personal – rather than just a body that could belong to anyone – and then I began sending explicit videos to keep people interested. The first time I filmed myself, I had a glass of wine and made a video that showed me pleasuring myself. But there was nothing sexy about it for me – I felt humiliated and used. I knew I’d crossed a boundary.
“Some men would send me pictures of their genitals, asking me to judge them, others would want me to send them videos of myself saying horrible things and humiliating them. I found it disturbing and it made me view men differently. They probably all had wives and children, and were asking me – a young woman – to do revolting things.
“By the time the rest of my student funding came through, I was earning £1,000 a month and I was used to having a healthy bank balance – but I paid the price with my mental health. I felt grubby, sleazy and ashamed. I hadn’t told any friends but, six months later, I realised someone I knew in real life had subscribed to my OnlyFans, and it brought home to me that I wouldn’t be able to keep my sex work a secret forever. I quit in July 2020. I’m now I’m in a loving relationship and I’ve got an office job with flexible hours, meaning I can work around my lectures. I would urge any student to think twice before engaging in sex work. I’ll never go back.”