Vanessa: ‘Trying to be with someone I don’t fancy makes my skin crawl!’
TV and radio presenter Vanessa Feltz, 59, divorced her first husband Michael – with whom she shares two grown-up daughters – in 2000 and has been with her fiancé, singer Ben Ofoedu, 49, for 15 years. She says “I love the idea of what Tracey is saying and I wish I could believe it – that we could all star in our own versions of When Harry
Met Sally in real life. And that after sitting next to a fire and sharing a Chinese or cheering on the same football team, we’d suddenly want to rip off our best friend’s clothes. But I really don’t believe you can suddenly switch something on and just fall in love with someone. The idea that you can train yourself to fancy someone just can’t be true. Otherwise, how many of us would will ourselves to do that?
“We’ve all been in that situation of thinking, ‘Oh, you’re such a nice guy, you’re eligible, trustworthy, solvent… but I just do not fancy you, and I couldn’t!’ If someone who I didn’t fancy suddenly loomed up and put their tongue in my ear, I’d be horrified.
“I once dated a man who was gentle, caring and lovely, but I remember thinking, ‘Oh please don’t try to kiss me.’ It made my skin crawl! I even took my two daughters with me on our second date so he couldn’t make a move. When I met Ben, it was definitely a lightning bolt moment. He isn’t exactly hard to fancy – he’s glaringly, obviously handsome!
“I’d say to women – stop trying to force it with someone and go for someone you have that spark with. If nothing comes of it, you can still enjoy the ride!”