Diary of a Windows Update – by Will Stapley aged 42¼

Always keen to ignore my own advice, I decided to install the October Update as soon as possible. Here’s my update diary.

10:05: Having previously had Windows display a message saying the October Update was ready to install, I check my files are backed up one last time, click the Power button, take a deep breath, then click ‘Update and Restart’.

10:07: Curiously, no update message is displayed and Windows restarts in under two minutes. Quickest Feature update ever? Nope - I’m still on version1803 (April 2018 Update). I repeatedly try restarting and checking for updates, but to no avail. Looks like 1803 doesn’t want to be replaced.

10:45: I resort to using the Windows Update Assistant ( www.snipca. com/29344), which finally kicks the update into action. I start my stopwatch.

11:20: I’m unnerved by early reports of users having their Documents files deleted by the update, but comforted by the knowledge that everything’s backed up (at least I think so). Besides, there’s no turning back - version 1809 has a firm grip now.

11:35: Things have slowed to a crawl, with the update taking over 15 minutes to shift from 78 per cent to 81 per cent, and it seems to be getting slower. Time for another coffee.

11:45: The update bursts back into life, racing the final stretch to 100 per cent in a few seconds. A ‘Ready to restart’ message pops up. No point hanging around - I click the ‘Restart now’ button (see screenshot). 11:57: Rebooted and logged into my Windows account. Now being bombarded with the usual Microsoft marketing spiel about how great Windows is while the update finalises.

12:01: All done. Documents folder intact. Total installation time: 1 hour 16 minutes (not including initial failed attempts)