THINGS YOU SHOULD ONLY EVER DO DRUNK

Traffic-cone comedy Simply placing the object atop your head will cause almost everyone to die of laughter. Simple, yet effective.

Harassing your taxi driver You will first ask to change the radio station, then you will request they turn it up. Finally, you’ll sing loudly and demand, “JOIN IN. JOIN IN.”

Toilet friendship It’s long been noted that if women were as nice to each other in real life as we are in nightclub toilets, then the world would be a better place.

Fund everyone’s night Suddenly you’ve got the bank balance of Richard Branson and the generosity of Mother Teresa. You just have to buy everyone a shot.

Overshare The girl in the queue for the cloakroom now knows that your mum lost you in Tesco when you were five. “I just don’t think I’ve ever got over it… sorry, what was your name?”