COMING OUT TODAY
Sarah O’Connell, 36, shares her experience of transitioning
Imagine you’ve pulled back a catapult for 34 years… and then let it go. That’s how I felt when my wife, Eleanor, gave me her blessing to go through with a full medical transition. I ran at it, without fear. It felt more powerful than anything anyone could have said or done to me.
I had known I was female since I was a child. Puberty was incredibly stressful as I just didn’t want these changes to happen to my body, so I focused on other parts of my life. Education was incredibly important: I thought if I got a good job it would eventually be easier to tackle everything else – and at college I met Eleanor. I told her a year into our relationship and she was, and has been since, incredibly understanding. Together we have a daughter, who is now six years old.
But, around six years ago, I knew I had to medically transition. I’d reached a point where I didn’t want to go out in public. I felt invisible – no one was calling me the name or pronouns I wanted them to. Just waking up and getting dressed was a struggle. I broke down to Eleanor and she simply said, “You have to do something about this.” But because we’d just had our daughter, it wasn’t financially possible, so it was only in 2015 that I started speaking to doctors. I also began to tell my friends and family – and over the course of four months I told 105 people individually, face to face. The first thing people often assumed was that my wife and I were going to break up, even though she’d often be sitting beside me. Then they’d ask about our daughter. I’d jokingly say, “Oh, we’re keeping her!” A lot of people seemed to think that because they were finding out on that day, so was everyone else – when my wife has known for years, and my daughter has never known any different.
Life became new again. I’d go to the cinema or a restaurant for the first time as ‘me’. My friends and family were 100% supportive, which I didn’t dare expect.
There’s definitely more awareness of trans issues now and everyone who comes out makes it easier for the next person. I want my story to be the kind I would love to have read when I was younger: to give hope to other trans people – and their partners. It doesn’t have to spell the end of a relationship – they’re still the person you fell in love with. Being your whole self with your partner absolutely allows it to work and be better. Eleanor and I are proof of that. ◆
“Life became new. I’d go out for the first time as ‘me’”