“You can’t force what isn’t there”
Alexandra Haddow, 29, is a picture editor from Corby
I met Shashwat three-and-a-half years ago when my friend invited me for drinks with her and a guy she was seeing. Shashwat was there, too, and we got on so well we decided to stay out after the others went home – before I knew it, it was two in the morning. He took my number, but I’d just started a new job and was so busy we couldn’t arrange anything for a while, until the same friends invited us out again. After they’d gone, we stayed out to watch a band. That night, I started to see him in a different light, and realised how much I liked him. We texted all of that week and met up at the weekend for our first date.
After three months of dating it became a relationship. I loved that he was open-minded and upbeat – he was the first person I’d ever met who was like that, and I’d never had such strong feelings for someone before, or been that excited. I felt like I knew him so well and there was no drama, but after about a year and a half, I realised we were behaving more like friends than a couple. I hadn’t stopped enjoying his company and nothing bad had happened – and that made the break-up so hard. We were both upset, but knew it was the right thing. You can’t force something that isn’t there.
We’d only seen each other one-on-one once since the split, to catch up, so the date was lovely. It felt like neither of us had anything to prove, and there hadn’t ever been a big fall-out, so there was nothing awkward to discuss. It felt a little flirty, but there was no agenda behind it. He’s a good-looking guy, and I bet I’d be jealous if he had a new girlfriend. But I don’t think I’d want to get back together.