Life in my body... with alopecia i

Made In Chelsea’s Liv Bentley explains the impact of losing her hair as a teenager…

was 16 when my hair started falling out. I’d just got out of the shower and was combing it when, at the front of my head, all I could see was skin. I thought I’d accidentally pulled some out, or maybe it’d got caught up while I was asleep. The last thing I thought was alopecia.

After that, every time I showered I’d end up with clumps of hair in my hands. It began with 2psize patches appearing on my scalp, which then multiplied. It was so distressing, and I had no idea why it was happening. My doctor later said it was a side effect of the pill, Yasmin, I’d gone on two months earlier – it’s listed as a possibility in the small print. I came off the pill straight away, but the damage was done.

Alopecia is hair loss that happens when the immune system attacks the hair follicles, causing it to fall out. The hair can grow back, but may fall out again. A lot of people assume alopecia makes you totally bald, but that’s not always the case – my hair is very thin, and bald in patches. Where those places are changes – just now I can feel one at the back of my head.

As a teenager, I’d always been self-conscious that I looked like a boy, and having these problems with my hair has compounded that. I would try all sorts of things to make sure no one knew what was happening. I’d pull the rest of my hair over the bald spot and wear hats. Then I tried clip-in hair extensions, which is actually one of the worst things you can do, as it can overstress the hair. Now I often wear wigs and keep it short.

I was always afraid of someone spotting it. Dating was tough. I was so worried that boys would run their fingers through my hair and feel it, or get caught on the extensions. A boyfriend once said, “I’m not going to have kids with you because you’re bald.” Now I’m older I’d have told him what a pr*ck he was, but back then I was so insecure. Another time, with a guy, I took off my wig and threw it on the floor. He didn’t notice how thin my hair was, but he saw the wig on the floor in the morning and freaked out as he was “allergic to cats”! It was ridiculous.

Now, I’ll tell people when I’m wearing a wig and joke about it. Stress can worsen alopecia, but sharing with others makes me feel more empowered. As I’ve got older, I’ve realised that I’m much more aware of it than other people. I can be so paranoid. On MIC, I’ll be in a club with sunglasses on my head and people think I’m doing it to try to look cool. But, actually, it’s because the glasses cover a bald patch or the line of my wig. I just want others with the condition to feel more confident – a lack of hair does not define you. It’s so much more common than people think.