How to date in an anti-racist way

Breaking down racism within dating is a complex task, but there are some key behaviours to avoid and look out for in others

DON'T PUT PEOPLE IN ‘A BOX’

Avoid probing people about their race and identity, especially on the first date. This includes asking your mixed-race date which of their races they identify more with, and making them ‘pick a side’.

ASK POLITELY BUT DON’T ASSUME

Getting to know someone is one of the exciting parts about dating, and this includes learning about their culture. But don’t make assumptions. Instead of assuming your Arab date comes from a strict culture because of what you’ve seen on the news, ask them whether they’ve visited their country of origin before and what their favourite thing to do there is.

DON’T SHY AWAY FROM THE TOPIC

Especially if you’re in a committed relationship. Nicola Birago, a BACP-accredited counsellor, says that when having difficult conversations, ‘the couple has to be available to hear each other without feeling guilty or ashamed’. She adds: ‘The more you communicate with your partner, the more the “blind spots” appear, and this is likely to be the starting point of change. Your preconceived ideas plus an awareness of your “blind spots” equals a great place to unlearn ignorance and learn new behaviours.’

HAVE REGULAR AND MEANINGFUL DISCUSSIONS

Make allyship and anti-racism a part of your relationship. This involves discussions about issues surrounding race, raising awareness to others, and being proud in your allyship.

DON’T EXPECT YOUR DATE TO EDUCATE YOU

’Being respectful of another culture should not be the burden of your potential match or fling,’ says Chris Pleines, a relationships expert at Dating Scout. ‘This responsibility is yours.’