WHY DO I HAVE TO CONFORM TO SOCIETY’S STANDARD DATING MODEL?
I was a teen mum – I had my daughter when I was very young and I got married to her dad when I was 18. I thought that was the way things are done: meet someone, get married, have kids. I didn’t know there could be anything else.
I accepted that for years, but slowly started to realise how unhappy I was. I was a stay-at-home mum while he worked. I even gave up my friends and family to move to a town I’d not lived in before so I could be with him. We separated just after I found out I was pregnant with my second daughter.
I’d never been single before. Although I knew deep down I wasn’t straight, I was in denial about my sexuality during my marriage. Leaving him gave me the space to come to terms with it. I realised
I’m demisexual – meaning I only feel sexual attraction after establishing an emotional bond. I’ve pretty much only dated women for three years now.
When I stumbled across the concept of polyamory, I found myself relating to a lot of the things people said. I started to wonder if monogamy had been part of the problem – I’d never felt right as a wife in one relationship. I started to wonder why I’d felt the need to conform to society’s standard dating model.
I’m not into the hook-up scene, though, which makes polyamory complicated. I need to get to know someone, which takes time – and is hard to do as a single parent. I’ve been ghosted loads of times when people find out I’ve got kids. I’m also not everyone’s cup of tea:
I’m plus-size, and I shave my head but nowhere else on my body. It’s an intentional statement, but some people aren’t into it.
My children are being raised by a single parent who’s openly queer. I talk to them about things like consent, racism, gender identity and sexuality. I hope being true to myself will teach them that there are many ways to live your life.