“Sorry, it’s a bit tricky, there’s a knack to it”–translation: “just turn the key, you fool”

Concentrating so hard on the appropriate eye-contact-to-looking-away ratio that you have no idea what’s being said to you

CRob Temple is a journalist and founder of the @Soverybritish Twitter account, which has 1.3 million followers and inspired a Channel 4 television show. His first book, ‘Very British Problems’, is published by Sphere (£7.99). Look out for the VBP column, starting in Town & Country Notebook from October 19, exclusively for LIFE