Those traumatic births brought us even closer
THE CHART-TOPPING SINGER TELLS GABRIELLE FAGAN ABOUT THE TRAUMA OF HER FIRST TWO PREGNANCIES AND THE JOY OF BEING A MOTHER OF FOUR
SOPHIE ELLIS-BEXTOR is describing her traumatic introduction to motherhood, and there’s unmistakeable emotion in her voice. “I couldn’t even hold my baby straightaway,” she says. “He was whisked away into an incubator. The whole thing was scary, daunting and certainly not what you expect.”
The singer’s first son, Sonny, conceived six weeks into a whirlwind romance with fellow musician Richard Jones, was born eight months later at just 32 weeks, weighing 3lb 8oz. Her first sight of him was “seeing him like a tiny patient connected to machines with wires and tubes coming out of him”. It was harrowing enough to experience that once, but against all the odds, five years later, her second son Kit also had to fight for life following another premature birth.
Kit was born at 31 weeks, weighing only 2lb 6oz, extremely vulnerable and even more fragile than his brother. “At one stage both of his lungs collapsed and he was on artificial respiration and morphine for a week. He looked just like a little doll. Richard and I never actually voiced the fear that we might lose him, but we definitely thought, ‘We’ve got through this once, but are we really going to be lucky enough to have everything go right again?’
“It was scary and I worried there might be lasting issues for him. There were tears at times. It was very emotional, especially when I used to spend hours holding him on my chest so he could have skin-to-skin contact and hear my heartbeat. It helps you bond and is very special.”
She’s reliving her experiences as ambassador for the new Pampers Preemie Protection range of nappies, developed with the help of neonatal intensive care nurses, which will be supplied free to hospitals. Today her boys are healthy, strapping lads of 13 and 8. “Sonny’s already 5’7” and Kit’s tall, too – I think I’m raising giants. You’d never now dream either of them were premmies.” They’ve been joined by Ray, 5, and Jesse, 17 months, who were “both born big, bonny babies”.
Her “busy, chaotic, noisy” household of boisterous sons seems a world away from those frightening times spent by her babies as they were nursed in intensive care. Her fears of long-term problems proved groundless, but the memories are still sharp for the 38-year-old.
In contrast to her personal dramas, Sophie’s career’s gone from strength to strength since she shot to fame in 2000 with the chart-topping single Groovejet (If This Ain’t Love), a feat she’s repeated on several occasions. She’s just released her sixth album, aptly named Familia.
“I’d imagined this chilled birth with low lighting and lovely music, but the reality was very different. We hadn’t even got a nursery ready when suddenly at 31 weeks I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia (a condition that can send blood pressure soaring dangerously high) and was whisked into hospital,” says the daughter of former Blue Peter presenter Janet Ellis. She was only 24, and had just set up home with Richard.
“Sonny was delivered by caesarian section. All I had were photosos of him at first but they finally wheeled me down to see himm – I wasn’t well after either birth.h. The moment you see your baby you feel overwhelmed with incredible love for this new little person.”
She reveals a family experience of premature birthth helped her remain positive. “My sister, Martha, now 26, was born 10 weeks early when I was aged 11 and I had very strong memories of seeing her in hospital in an incubator and then seeingng her grow up into a healthy, happy girl. Remembering thathat helped me counter thoughtss that it might go horribly wrong,” shehe says.
Although she was reassureded by doctors it was highly unlikelyy she’d suffer pre-eclampsia again, 31 weeks into her second pregnancy,nancy, when she sought medical permission to fly to perform in Moscow, she was diagnosedd with the condition. Kit was 3lb 10oz0oz when he was finally allowedd home at 37 weeks.
“It was even more scary andnd very worrying with Kit because hee was so very small, but I hadn’t any experience of a normal, full--term birth so you just cope. You know this new little person is relying onn you. But it’s quite isolating havingg a premature baby in intensivee care. It’s all so medical and it makes being able to get involved, by doingng something normal like changingnging their nappy, much more special,” she says.
“Full-size nappies, which you have to cut down or fold and seemm massive, are just another big visualvisu reminder that your baby’s not fulfull-term. It’s hard enough seeing people happilyh wandering around with newborns and knowing you can’t do that.”th About 60,000 babies are born premature in the UK eachea year, representing one in 10 pregnancies. Premature births are definedde as babies born at 37 weeks or less.less Sophie, who competecompeted in Strictly Come Dancing in 202013, and Richard, bassist withwi The Feeling, will soon celebratecelebr their 12th wedding anniversary. ann iv“We were young when we got together andan getting pregnantpregnan so quickly was a bit ofo a surprise to say tthe least. It certainlycer added a differentdi dimensiond to dating,d but when it happened my wise mum said, ‘It might nonot be the right time, but it’s the right baby’, which was comforting .” com for “We didn’t put any ppressure on ourselves about what the future held for us, we just let it unfold.un We’ve grown up together really,rea and going through those two tratraumatic births definitely brought us eeven closer together. What I love iis that we’ve been a family right fromfro the outset because Sonny came so quickly. I always wanted to be a young mum and had experience of babies through my siblings, but RichaRichard hadn’t. It made it even more amazingam how great he was throug hot hroughout it all. He’s so steady andunf lap pab unflappable, whereas I’m much more up and dodown, so we make a great team.” She has no dreams ofo adding to her brood. “People always say, ‘I bet you’d like a girl’, but I’d hate any of my little boys to think I was evereve disappointed or expecting them to beb anyone else than who they are. TheyTh are all lovely little individuals who are full of character. I love our nnoisy, chaotic household just as it is, and four children is quite a lot. I don’t think I’m one of those womenwome who declare they’re ‘done’ when they’veth completed their family,family that’s not my style. I think maybe I’ll just not have another one.”