Dementia is awful... you lose someone even though they’re right in front of you
When Ruth Langsford opened up on her struggle to cope with her late dad’s dementia, she found support. Now she’s encouraging others to do the same, and tells GEMMA DUNN that there’s no need to feel isolated
EVER the professional, Ruth Langsford has learned to keep a stiff upper lip on screen. But last December, the bubbly TV presenter – best known for her regular presenting slot on ITV’s This Morning, alongside her husband Eamonn Holmes – fought back tears as she interviewed Emmerdale actor John Middleton about his character Ashley Thomas’ heartbreaking battle with dementia.
Comforted by Eamonn, Ruth – whose father passed away in 2012 after his own battle with the disease – was visibly moved by the storyline.
“They did it so brilliantly and what they gave it was time,” she explains.
“We saw the decline of Ashley and little things that other people might not notice, but it’s your loved one so you think, ‘He’s behaving very strangely, he wouldn’t normally do that’, and that’s why it upsets me.
“It’s like watching my dad looking very confused and frightened,” she admits, having first revealed her family’s struggle on the show’s sofa back in 2007. “You lose that person, even though they’re physically there in front of you.”
Today, 57-year-old Ruth is an ambassador for the Alzheimer’s Society (“I was very keen to keep getting the message out there”) and has recently joined forces with Care UK to launch the A Helping Hand guide – which aims to support carers, after figures show more than a third neglect their own wellbeing due to their responsibilities.
“It is sad but not surprising to hear about the pressure family carers put on themselves when looking after a loved one,” she says. “My mum looked after my dad for 10 years as his primary carer before it got too much for her, and a guide such as this would have provided some help and comfort for us at a difficult time.”
The Loose Women host hopes the tool, which provides key information on the rights of carers, the help they’re entitled to and advice on respite or permanent residential care for their loved one, will start a conversation.
“Don’t be afraid to ask the (Care UK) staff questions because they are there to help and this will be behaviour that they’ve seen a thousand times,” she says.
“It’s good to know that other people are experiencing it – that’s why I always want to talk about it, to say, ‘Don’t feel isolated. It’s an awful thing, I won’t deny it’s an awful thing, but you’re not alone’.
“Every conversation we have is another step forward to it being more widely understood.”
This means teaching the next generation, too – as the Singapore-born star has with her and Eamonn’s son, 15-year-old Jack.
“From a very young age I had to explain to him what dementia was because he didn’t really know my dad without Alzheimer’s,” she recalls.
“He wasn’t the dad that I knew and that always made me very sad because I know he would have been a fantastic grandad to Jack. He would have taught him sailing and fishing and building things, but sadly, he never got to see that side of him.”
Now understandably fearful of the disease, Ruth makes a conscious effort to look after herself – recently taking up the 10,000 steps a day challenge.
“As I’ve got older, I’ve done it quite naturally,” she quips, confessing her weaknesses to be chocolate, wine and birthday cake. “I know when I have overindulged and I need to get back on track. “I do find it hard, particularly on days when I’m working. When I started the challenge I thought, ‘Oh this will be easy, I’m so busy, I’m so active,’ and then when I had my Fitbit, I realised I’d mistaken being busy for being active.
“At the weekend I did 14,000 one day without really trying, so again I try not to be obsessed with things, because it’s very easy to be obsessive, particularly in the public eye when people are looking at you and making judgements.
“I try and lead my life how I want to lead it and be secure in my family life and do what I want to do for me, and hopefully I think it’s good for your children to see you being active.”
Ruth is full of admiration for Eamonn, who stepped down as anchor of Sky News breakfast show, Sunrise, last year, following his successful recovery from a double hip replacement. “One (hip) is a big deal for people but two at the same time is quite extraordinary, and they don’t do it very often,” she says.
“He was back at work in seven to eight weeks, so he’s done incredibly well. I am very proud of him.”
For more than a decade, the loveable couple have been daytime TV favourites.
The secret to living and working together, she says, is simple.
“We don’t bring our work home that much. I would be lying to say we never discuss it – we’re both in the same business and often we’re working on the same programme – but we try not to.”
It’s a formula that’s certainly working. This year they celebrate 21 years together, seven of those married. To mark the occasion, they’ve landed their own ITV series, The Seven Year Itch, where they will tour the country in a bid to discover the secrets of a successful marriage.
So did tying the knot change things for them?
“If you had asked me that before we got married, I would have said, ‘No, why would it change anything?’ We’d been together for 14 years by then, so why would it?” she says.
“I didn’t ever believe it would, but it did feel different. I’m still a very independent woman, I still don’t have to rely financially on anybody, (including) Eamonn. And I don’t know any other way to explain it, but I really enjoy being married to him.”
Care UK has partnered with Ruth Langsford to launch the A Helping Hand guide, which can be downloaded from careuk.com/helpinghand. Free copies can also be picked up from any Care UK care home.