Routine is good – I know exactly how much baby care I’m avoiding
DOUBLE TROUBLE FOR A FIRST-TIME DAD OF TWINS
ROUTINE is the bedrock of our existence with the twins.
At any time during the day, we both know what they should be eating, where they should be and if they should be asleep.
Sometimes, they attempt to overturn this carefully balanced timetable or Victoria changes the schedule and confuses me but most of the time they respect the rules.
You might be thinking ‘what is this timetable?’ and, if you are, then you’re in luck because I’m about to tell you in excruciating detail.
5.30-6am: Emma wakes up and sings loudly for half an hour
before falling asleep again. 6am-6.50am: Thomas wakes up and gently grumbles about being held captive. 6.50am: Victoria and I spring joyfully from bed after a restful night of quality sleep. 6.50am-7am: We exchange pleasantries and engage in a positive manner about my constant snoring, while changing the twins’ nappies. 7am-7.15am: Empty dishwasher, tidy kitchen, load washing machine and prepare baby breakfast of formula milk and yogurt with fruit puree. 7.15am-7.45am: Feeding time. 7.50am: Offspring moved to playmat in living room. 8-8.30am: I get ready for my day of hard graft in the workplace and leave the house.
9.15am: Twins go for nap while Victoria gets ready and tidies up the general debris.
9.15-9.30am: Twins complain about being in bed so soon after getting up.
10.30am: Thomas and Emma ready to party so Victoria takes them out in their buggy.
Midday-1pm: A delicious lunch of healthy and fresh ingredients pureed into a mush.
1pm-3pm: Nap time for the twins and a chance for Victoria to prepare food, do some washing, have lunch and ruminate on what her life used to be like.
3pm-4.30pm: It’s time for baby workouts, stories, rolling around on the floor (usually Victoria).
4.30pm-5.45pm: I return an emotionally exhausted shell of a man from my demanding job and generously offer to help with Thomas and Emma. 5.45pm-6pm: Grumpy tired babies make life difficult for everyone involved.
6pm: Formula milk feeding time followed swiftly by bed. 6-7.30pm: I prepare an evening meal while Victoria lies in a dark room and the twins complain loudly about going to bed when it’s light. 7.30pm-10pm: A time to chat, relax and catch up on our day or sporadically fall asleep while watching something rubbish on television. It also gives Victoria vital time to wash up the bottles and do more washing. 10pm: Final formula milk feed, possible nappy change. It’s a full day but possibly the hardest challenge I face is convincing Victoria I haven’t got the better deal.
If the singing is bad, just wait for the first power chord