I’ve already become a pushy parent and my twins are barely walking!
DOUBLE TROUBLE FOR A FIRST-TIME DAD OF TWINS
A MORE competitive, impatient, some might say pushy side of me has emerged since the birth of the twins. It’s evidenced by my continual need for them to hit milestones.
These benchmarks emerge from the internet, where there are hundreds of websites with lists of things children should be doing by a certain age.
My favourite one even has specific days on which they magically gain certain skills.
Thomas missed the deadline for appreciating the difference between angry and sad faces,
but Emma hit it spot on.
The competition heats up when friends tell you about their offspring.
It’s natural to think your children are the best so it’s perfectly normal to boast about their minor achievements.
It’s annoying if they draw the comparison. “Gosh, is Emma 16 months? Balthazar was doing handstands at that age and could confidently order food in a restaurant.”
The third source of information is the occasional stranger in the street who chats politely, asks if they’re talking and then says their offspring could recite the alphabet backwards by then.
This is why I remember yearning for them to start rolling across the floor.
Thomas was a natural and rolled better than I could down
a steep hill, but Emma only ever rolled to the left. This meant she was often lodged in the corner of the room. Such was my frustration, I remember Googling ‘what does it mean if a baby can only roll to the left?’
The answer should have been ‘just enjoy spending time with your children, you obsessive lunatic’, but it was lots of other parents on forums asking the same question and giving worrying answers.
Thankfully Emma rolled to the right one day and I moved onto sitting up. Then it was the next stage.
‘Are they cruising?’ asked the health visitor.
‘Cruising, they can’t even drive’, I answered jokingly, hoping to mask the fact I genuinely had no idea what she was talking about. It turns out ‘cruising’ is the precursor to walking.
And although Thomas was ‘cruising’ like a baby Jenson Button, he didn’t want to walk.
This didn’t change no matter how many times I looked at the opinion of strangers on the internet. Until finally, he just started walking and I realized this desire to fast forward through life is only at the very start.
From a personal perspective, I harbour no desire for a time when I can’t roll across the floor, sit up unaided or cruise.