How do you deal with an aggressive toddler?
A child development expert helps LISA SALMON understand why children bite or hit, and what you can do to get them to stop it
YOUR toddler has hit or bitten another child again, and you’re beginning to think they have a problem. But don’t worry, it’s normal. Honestly. Research has shown eight out of 10 children are hitting others at the age of 18 months, and kicking, pushing and throwing things at people peaks at 20 months. So aggressive behaviour starts even before the terrible twos – although the 2018 New York University study also showed two-year-olds hitting nearly four to six days a week.
But while aggression in toddlers is clearly very common, it doesn’t make it any easier if you are one of the parents who has to deal with it.
So why do young children become aggressive, and what should parents do about it?
Why do young children become aggressive?
THERE can be many reasons for young children to lash out, ranging from frustration, anger, jealousy, attention-seeking, tiredness, hunger, simple loss of self-control, or just testing boundaries to see what they’re allowed to get away with.
“Parents should try to think why the aggression is occurring, and perhaps keep some notes to describe the situation and what happens beforehand,” suggests David Messer, an Open University professor of child development and learning.
And Norland nanny and maternity nurse Louenna Hood, who runs the Nanny Louenna app (nannylouenna. com/nannylouennaapp), says: “Aggression usually occurs in children due to frustration. It’s not unusual for a toddler to have a tantrum if they don’t get their own way, or if they feel they aren’t being heard or understood.
“Over-tiredness is also a huge