Is she a mum chum or your forever friend? OF THE BEST...
OUTLINES HOW TO TELL WHETHER YOUR FRIENDSHIP WILL BE OVER BEFORE YOUR CHILD’S COLIC, OR YOU’LL BE MATES IN 10 YEARS’ TIME
IT MIGHT have been over Zoom during lockdown or face to face beforehand, but when we become mums, we tend to meet lots of other women in very quick succession. In fact, between NCT classes, baby music, mum friend apps, the eight week course of buggy fit and those (ridiculously) pricey swimming lessons, there’s not many times in life when we make as many new mates.
While at first, we’re grateful for anyone who’ll let us ask 43 questions on sleep training, dummies and how on earth to wrap that sling around our front without seeing our baby drop through the middle, over time we start to need more.
We want mum friends we can have non-parenting chats with because we’d be friends even if it weren’t for our babies.
Here’s how to tell that you’ve got one in your life who may well stick around beyond the newborn years…
Find yourself messaging her to talk about that Netflix show... you’re onto a winner.
You can exchange messages that don’t involve sterilising wisdom or nappy analysis
FIND yourself messaging her to talk about that Netflix show you’re both obsessed with or the thriller she recommended last week and you’re onto a winner.
It’s one thing being able to share a tub of coconut oil at baby massage, while exchanging notes on your exhaustion levels, but in a year’s time if you and her are sitting in a pub, no-one is going to want to chat about nappies.
She mixes it up
THAT Friday coffee gets quietly replaced by a cold bottle of Pinot Grigio. She persuades you to swerve buggy fit to come round and watch back-to-back Love Island while the babies sleep by your feet on a den she made from cushions. You know the one.
The woman’s a maverick and you’re a little bit in love.
Blatant acts of kindness
THERE are many women who will sit next to you in a circle singing Wind The Bobbin Up and making small talk about your child’s cute babygrow. There aren’t many women who will hold your crying baby as well as their own while you go for a desperate wee/emergency carrot cake/two-minute sit down in an empty room.
If you find one of these ones, hold on to her.
She makes you laugh... a lot
AMIDST the 3am feed complaints, the poo-stained changing bags and the bone-deep tiredness of the newborn phase, there is a lot to laugh at.
It’s honestly a treasure trove. If you find someone who you can do that with you’re onto a longterm thing.
Daytime meet-ups will give way to evenings at the pub
WHEN you realise that you aren’t just seeing her because you want someone – anyone – to fill a few hours after nap time on a lonely Tuesday, but actually want to speak to her, in a world where a chat doesn’t get disrupted every three minutes? That’s friendship.
Especially if you’re willing to get to bed later than your normal maternity leave time of 8.30pm to enjoy it.
You’ll find random common ground COMMON ground that’s based around a favoured baby leggings brand or a love for a baby sling is great. But common ground that is based around a shared obsession with curating the perfect midi skirt collection or the top 10 singles of Steps, 1999-present day: that’s what will really see her in your life for the long term.
She’ll tip you off about the good baby classes
AND by that we mean the ones that are held in the upstairs room of the café with the incredible salted caramel brownies, the baby massage where you all get a back rub yourselves at the end of it or the music class where the teacher makes everyone a cuppa when they arrive.
Find your wins where you can.
The F*** It Moments
WHEN you’re in tears over a Paw Patrol cake that you have been crafting for six hours straight, she will step in gently and guide you away from Chase and towards M&S.
When you’re weeping that your baby has to learn to sleep by herself, she’ll tell you to let her have a snooze on your chest and make the most of it and scroll Instagram for an hour.
When you just can’t face shaving your legs for baby swimming today, she’ll tell you to skive it and meet her for chips.
Essentially, she’ll be the living, walking, chip-eating embodiment of the sentiment: don’t worry about it.
She’ll be your cheerleader
WHEN you start heading out into the real world again and thinking about going back to work/ changing careers/ re-training, but you’re feeling pretty nervous after all this time off? She’ll be the one wooping from the sidelines, telling you that if you could have a baby you can do anything and informing everyone she knows about your awesomeness too.
Seeing her makes everything better WHEN you walk into a baby group and spot her on the other side of the room, you’ll feel your shoulders relax down. When you are battling a day of chronic loneliness, meeting her for a walk and a strong Americano will make everything seem bright again. When a group of mum mates get together at yours, she’ll be the one in the kitchen helping and reminding you who’s dairy free. Basically, she is no longer your ‘mum friend’: she has become, simply, your friend. The Baby Group by Caroline Corcoran is out now in paperback, £7.99, ebook and audio (Avon,
Harper Collins)
Ebby, the playful elephant, is full of fun features and perfect for cuddles. was £16, now £12.80,