How to… put bikes into an aeroplane hold
Now that travel is possible again, the airports will be recruiting new baggage handlers. If you fancy giving it a go, here is some general advice.
Most of the baggage will be very boring – durable, inexpensive suitcases and bags. But sometimes the gods will send you bicycles to play with. And, honestly, there is nothing more entertaining than seeing just what jolly misadventures a bicycle can have between the check-in and the carousel.
There are the traditional baggage-handler Olympic events – the throw-for-distance, where you simply throw the bike as far as possible. Bicycle Jenga, where you see how high you can stack the boxes and bags, then start kicking them out one by one.
There is an excellent variation on that where you build the bike tower on a baggage trailer and see how fast you can drive a lap of the aeroplane. This ensures that the bicycle’s owner can see it.
You might try bicycle gymnastics, where you balance the box precariously on the edge of the little conveyor belt, and when it falls off see how many somersaults it can turn before hitting the ground.
Finally, at the destination baggage hall, put all the bicycles on the flight out as fast as you can, with one exception. Keep the last one until the very, very end. Ideally, keep it till the owner cries and goes to look for the baggage help desk. Then you all hide. Every single one of you.