Felix Lowe

The Hammer Series is an attempt to shake up the traditional race format. But will it hit the nail on the head?

Our columnist unleashes years’ worth of MC Hammer puns for Velon’s latest venture

Back in 1990, shortly after Eddy Planckaert won the closest-ever Paris-roubaix, Stanley Kirk Burrell (or MC Hammer to you or me) donned baggy pants and a yellow jersey as he threw down the prescient lyrics, ‘Now they know when you talk about the Hammer/you talk about a show that’s hyped and tight.’

Twenty-seven years later, that hyped and hopefully tight show is finally upon us thanks to Velon, the collective of 10 Worldtour teams that has already done its bit for race entertainment by introducing rider data and on-bike footage from the heart of the peloton. It’s now launching its own race with the inaugural Hammer Series from 1st-4th June 2017 in the Dutch province of Limburg, home of the Amstel Gold Race.

In the words of Mr Hammer, let me, ahem, break it down: consecutive climb, sprint and time-trial events over three days will see teams – not individuals – vie to be crowned the world’s best.

Teams of five riders (picked daily from a squad of seven) will contest the Hammer Sprint (‘two hours of blistering entertainment’, according to Velon) and Hammer Climb (‘a two-hour pain-fest you can’t keep your eyes off’) over closed circuits in which the top 10 riders collect points at the end of each lap.

On Day 3, the Hammer Chase decides all with entire squads rolling down the ramp in a staggered ‘fox-and-hounds’ formation reflecting their performances in the earlier races. The team whose fourth rider’s front wheel crosses the line first earns ‘ultimate bragging rights as the best team in the world’. Of course, they won’t actually be World Champions – there are no rainbow stripes on offer – but they will probably get a free bottle of Amstel or two.

It’s basically track cycling on the road and contested in teams – like the Tour Series, but tweaked and played out on a global scale. Think Twenty20 cricket meets the Ryder Cup via an outdoor Six Day event and the only interesting team time-trial you’ll ever see.

Personally, I think any attempts to do something different should be praised. A multi-day event based around the same location means great accessibility to fans. It will appeal to a wider audience and help increase affinities to teams – all while putting a bit of pressure on the stakeholders currently monopolising the sport.

My only concern is that there’s a lot riding on the deciding Hammer Chase – a handicapped team time-trial that could breed utter chaos. If the time gaps are narrow but drafting is banned, how are teams expected to contest the dash to the line?

On the flipside, isn’t the handicap system a bit topsy-turvy? Don’t the best usually start at the back? For all the talk of manicure-ruining excitement, we could see the strongest team simply nailing a huge gap over 50km that even Carlton Kirby on crack would struggle to make compelling.

Then there’s the timing. Clashing with the opening weekend of the Dauphiné means most big-name cyclists will sit it out. Already at loggerheads with the UCI, ASO would oppose it, er, hammer and tongs, as would the non-velon French Worldtour teams.

So while you have Velon urging a shakeup with a ‘Stop, Hammer time!’ you’ll get Christian Prudhomme wagging his finger and saying, ‘U Can’t Touch This.’

Still, with a bike expo, mass participation events and other live entertainment, you can imagine the mayor of the Norwegian town of Hammerfest is already putting the finishing touches on an application for 2018.

Now if only there was a second event called the Anvil, in late July, Velon could say the antiquated Tour was stuck between the Hammer and the Anv… oh, never mind.