Felix Lowe
Christmas is nearly here, and that means one thing… it’s time for Felix Lowe’s annual Cyclist Awards
It’s that time of year again, folks. Don your finest evening wear as Felix Lowe hands out his very own awards to the best – and, of course, the worst – pro riders of 2018
In contrast to the efforts of our nation’s politicians, Britain’s cyclists have done rather well in Europe this year – winning all three Grand Tours. As such, the Chequers Best of British Award goes to Welshman Geraint Thomas, who fittingly had to beat not only the opposition but his own side as well to claim a maiden Tour triumph. Simon Yates, meanwhile, bounced back from losing Paris-nice on the final day and imploding at the Giro to win the Vuelta and secure the Best Comeback Since Take That Award.
Froome may have lost out to Thomas in the Tour but the manner of his Giro win ensures he doesn’t leave empty-handed. His Stage 19 blitz on the Colle delle Finestre wins him the Massive Attack Award. It also earns George Bennett the Ronseal Woodstain Tin with his cheeky ‘Did a Landis’ comment on hearing the news that Froome had ridden himself into pink. That was quickly followed by the least convincing attempt to explain himself since a pair of Russians decided to pay a trip to Salisbury.
Froome also bags the Schteeve Mcclaren Trophy for services to foreign languages after being filmed cursing a gendarme in a French accent during the Tour. In return, the hapless French authorities take the Clouseau Cup for pepper spraying the Tour peloton.
Billed as Movistar’s Three Musketeers, Señores Quintana, Landa and Valverde instead scoop the Snap, Crackle and Pop Bowl after Richard Carapaz trumped all three to claim the team’s highest Grand Tour finish with fourth at the Vuelta. But the evergreen Valverde had the last laugh at the Worlds to secure the Benjamin Button Award (previously held by Chris Horner).
Speaking of the rainbow stripes, outgoing World Champion Peter Sagan had a lean season by his standards but his triumph at Roubaix saw him earn the Eric Cantona Seagulls Cup for his beguiling assertion that, ‘If the dog doesn’t shit, he’s going to explode.’ Pottering into the velodrome a whole hour after Sagan crossed the line, meanwhile, Lithuania’s Evaldas Siskevicius takes the JK Rowling Never Give Up Award. Either he can’t be here tonight or he simply hasn’t arrived yet.
Being the bridesmaid in the Giro, Tour and Worlds TT makes Tom Dumoulin the perfect recipient of the annual Poulidor Prize – not an award that Quick-step Floors is in any danger of picking up, thanks to a hugely successful 2018. With Terpstra winning Flanders, Jungels Liège-bastogneLiège, Viviani and Gaviria most of the sprints, and Alaphilippe practically everything else, Quick-step also took the Peanut Butter Award for spreading themselves thick.
Even when they didn’t win, they did: Philippe Gilbert showed Brexit negotiators how best to recover when going over a cliff on the continent to secure the Biggest Crash Since Wall Street Award.
Talking of betrayals, Mitchelton-scott DS Matt White wins the Et Tu, Brute Award for reneging on a promise to give Caleb Ewan his Tour debut. Ewan’s forthcoming switch to Lotto-soudal was the final nail in André Greipel’s outgoing coffin, provoking the Brad Pitt Breaking-up Pitifully Badly Award.
Wild finish-line dancing earns Tom Skujins the Seriously Strictly Award for his stage win in the Tour of California, but his Trek-segafredo teammate John Degenkolb narrowly missed out on the post-race interview prize after his emotional win in Roubaix at the Tour. Instead, the Goosebumps Gong goes to Danish ace Cecilie Uttrup Ludwig, whose heartfelt sit-down interview after finishing fourth in La Course – in stark contrast to the sit-down protests of her male colleagues on the Tour 20 years earlier – was arguably the moment of the season after the race of the season.
And finally a nod to the late Michael Goolaerts, who doesn’t need any award, just our remembrance after his fatal heart attack during Paris-roubaix. Stay safe, everyone.
Felix’s days of doing a Landis are long gone