Felix Lowe
With 2019 under way, Eurosport’s Felix Lowe ponders the New Year’s resolutions of the pro peloton
As the pros gear up for the 2019 season, Felix ponders what New Year’s resolutions they might (or should) have made
It’s the time of year when many of us take a long, hard look at ourselves and try to come up with ways to self-improve, purge those undesired traits and set the balls in motion to accomplishing some personal goals. Well, that or give up booze for a month.
Cyclists are no different. For years, leading figures in the sport have vowed to eat better (Jan Ullrich), drink less (Oleg Tinkov), quit smoking (Mario Cipollini), pay off debts (doesn’t Vino still owe Rigo some gold?), be nicer to people (Lance Armstrong), or simply get rid of bad habits (anyone from the 1990s).
Seeing that most New Year’s resolutions revolve around food intake, cyclists must think a bit outside the box. That said, Geraint Thomas may struggle getting back to race weight after all those Welsh cakes to celebrate his Tour success in 2018. Especially since the musette feeding culture at races means cutting down on takeaways is hardly realistic.
The year before last we saw Chris Froome do his best to increase his iphone step count, albeit on Mont Ventoux during the Tour. Last year he spent time learning new languages and this year he’s reportedly keen on sounding more British in interviews to boost his popularity in the hope of finally winning a SPOTY Award of his own.
Here are some other resolutions I’d welcome for 2019:
• More riders taking a leaf from Tom Dumoulin’s book by learning how to drop everything, let things go and unburden themselves even if it causes a stink.
• Nacer Bouhanni learning to say ‘I love you’ more, and Gianni Moscon attending anger management classes. (At the very least, the former could teach the latter how to throw a proper punch.)
• Mark Cavendish being less grumpy and more spiritual.
• Vincenzo Nibali stopping us from biting our nails during Milan-san Remo.
• Richie Porte ending the self-sabotage by refusing to throw himself to the floor at top speed.
• David Brailsford learning to laugh more, assuming of course he can find another multi-million pound corporation to fill Sky’s shoes and get the house in order.
• Romain Bardet managing his time better, particularly when riding against the clock.
• Peter Sagan cutting back on his noxiously sedate video-gaming lifestyle and sartorially questionable love of green.
• Steve Cummings taking a more active approach to his health by riding in the heart of the peloton and not off the back.
• Thomas De Gendt learning from his bike-packing adventure with Tim Wellens the joys of friendship, making the serial lone escapee more sociable during races.
• With all those unstuck bidons cast into the verges, Arnaud Demare cleaning up his littering. Meanwhile, all those sporting directors with their helping hands striving to stop towing away rubbish.
• Hard-up team owners taking a leaf from Lance Armstrong’s books by improving their finances with shrewd investment (or at the Ubers they take).
• Millionaires learning that throwing some money at a plaything team for a couple of years won’t do the sport a world of good (especially if they leave the Whatsapp group without saying goodbye).
• David Millar volunteering to work part time for a charitable organisation such as the CPA.
• The UCI doing its bit to iron out years of toxic masculinity in the sport by banning podium girls and, say, encouraging ASO to give women’s cycling more than a token oneday Tour de France. Provided they don’t get a French DJ to encourage winners to twerk over the finish line.
Of course, recent studies have revealed that – shock horror – almost 90% of those who set New Year’s resolutions fail to keep them. Same time next year? Felix Lowe has resolved to give up giving things up until Lent