‘I had a knack for making people feel comfortable when talking about sex’
Rhi Kemp-Davies recently qualified as a sex therapist and offers a range of services to help people and couples. Here, the 38-year-old tells Katie-Ann Gupwell about her unusual line of work...
WHEN people hear the term “sex therapist” many will probably picture Gillian Anderson’s character in Netflix’s hit series Sex Education.
In the show Anderson’s character, Jean Milburn, is a single mother who works in sex therapy and has quite an adventurous look on life and sexual exploration.
Her character has become beloved by fans of the filmed-in-Wales show since it hit our screens.
But even though sex therapists have become an increasingly familiar sight on television since the days of US TV favourite Dr Ruth Westheimer, relatively little is known about what they do and how they help people living in our streets, our towns and our communities.
There are currently fewer than five sex therapists working in South Wales but one person who has recently qualified in the field has opened up about what it’s like to help people understand more about sex and relationships.
It turns out there is a lot more to the job than most of us would think.
Rhi Kemp-Davies, 38, from Pontypridd, qualified as a clinical sexologist, also known as a sex and relationship therapist, in December.
Since then Rhi has been working to develop a client base in Rhondda Cynon Taf (RCT) as there was nobody else in the area offering a similar service.
Rhi, who is non-binary, said: “There are no sex therapists in Rhondda Cynon Taf so I wanted to make sure I based myself in Pontypridd.
“There are only three other sex therapists in South Wales and they are based on the Monmouthshire side or in Cardiff, so I didn’t know if the need was there.”
It turns out there is – even though Rhi is still doing some work in Cardiff, the appointment slots available for people in the Valleys area are filling up.
When asked what sex therapy is all about, Rhi said it’s simply a place where people can “open up about it”.
“Sex therapy can be for people who feel they have sort of dysfunction of genitals,” said Rhi.
“I also work with sexual shame and people who have experienced sexual trauma and people described as ‘sex addicts,’ but that term has become a bit outdated so rather [say that] I work with outof-control sexual behaviour.
“I’m also a relationship therapist so I work with relationships as well.”
Essentially Rhi can help people with a lot of things – from assisting them with feelings surrounding sexual identification to discussing topics such as affairs and infertility, as well as helping people with low sexual desire or those who have the inability to climax.
Her journey to becoming a sex therapist is quite intriguing, as Rhi said a natural talent for helping people talk about sex more openly emerged while working in retail.
There was also a period where Rhi organised sex toy parties, which were mostly for women, to encourage sexual liberation and sexual autonomy.
Rhi said: “To begin with I was working in a sex toy shop in London. It turned out I had a good knack for making people feel comfortable when talking about sexual pleasure.
“A few years later I opened up my own business – it was a sex shop but online.
“I did that for about three years but I realised I wasn’t a big fan of retail. I started training in 2016.
“I didn’t realise how much more comfortable I was talking about sex until I met the customers who were less comfortable.”
When asked about what sort of issues people commonly want to discuss, Rhi it was only said most of the time these things turn out to not be problems at all and instead it’s a mindset that can impact a lot of people. Rhi explained that often people can think they have problems because they constantly compare themselves to what they see on TV or read in books. It’s said this constant comparison builds up a picture and specific image of what is expected or wanted during sex when it’s not actually a true representation. “People think they have something wrong with them but they are only weighing up against what they see in films or read in books,” Rhi said. “A lot of people come in and think they have problems but they go away and think ‘society has the problem’ and suddenly stop seeing sex being performed in a particular way.”
Rhi explained there are also instances where people may worry about experiencing things like erectile dysfunction but then, after talking, Rhi said they realise there are ways to have and enjoy sex “without having to get erect all the time”.
Rhi also explained that pornography can weigh heavily on a person’s mindset in some instances. The therapist explained that sex education can sometimes play a part in this as, if young people aren’t taught about certain things at school, then they look elsewhere to find the answers.
Even though many young people are taught about safe sex, sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy, Rhi said there is not enough focus on how sex can be enjoyed.
When asked about how porn can affect a person’s perception of sex, Rhi said: “There is a big link there. People worry about how their genitals and what classes as and what doesn’t.
“I’m 38 so I had sex education over 20 years ago and I’m told it hasn’t changed much from then.
“You show them how the car works but you don’t show them how to drive the car. You don’t show them the pleasure.
“It means that people will then turn to the internet to learn about sex and watch porn.”
Rhi also said sex education has also been taught as something that happens “very much between a woman and a man” and there is little discussion about sexual identification.
Being Wales’ only queer and non-binary sex and relationship therapist, Rhi is passionate about offering a space for the gender and sexually diverse community.
The therapy Rhi offers can also help people to explore sexual orientation and gender identity without focusing on sex. look sexy
Even though shows like Sex Education and, more recently, It’s A Sin have helped to educate people about sex, history and relationships within different communities, it’s important to know that there are people like Rhi present in our communities who are ready to listen and willing to help.
Rhi said shows like Sex Education have been brilliant and praised the way certain episodes have focused on different types of issues.
Speaking about It’s A Sin – Russell T Davies’s drama which explored how the Aids crisis devastated a group of gay friends in London in the 1980s – Rhi said: “It was obviously amazing but I think it was really different from Sex Education. It felt like more of a history lesson and a look at how far we’ve come.
“Just seeing how awful it was for gay men and their community – I think shows like this are educational.”