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General services match. com or friendfi nder. com) offer the chance to see everyone who has posted a profi le. Relationship services ( for
eHarmony. com and parship. co. uk) match you with others based on compatibility testing and are generally for those more serious about a relationship or marriage. Consider also niche dating
such as those for single parents ( DatingFor Parents. com) or for those who are larger proportioned ( largeandlovely. com).
Build a winning profi le. Make it fun, lively and positive. Always avoid negatives ( I’m lonely, I can’t believe I’m doing this). Examine other profi les and determine what makes you feel more or less interested. Make your profi le interesting and not generic. Be unique, not typical.
Your fi rst email to someone you are interested in is the most important because it will help determine whether or not they write back. Personalise it and spend more time asking questions ( based on the other person’s profi le) than providing information about yourself. Adding a sincere compliment doesn’t hurt either, for example: “I love your smile.” wonderful and if you are slightly shy you can take your time about it and think about how to respond.”
Allowing more gently paced communication to unfold is an effective way of discovering what you might have in common before you even meet. And it works.
The internet is now the third most common way to meet a partner after meeting through mutual friends or in a bar or a club. Recently it has even superseded meeting someone at work.
Another couple who found lasting love online are Jane and Andreas Palikiras, from Twickenham, west London, who met in May 2002 when the online dating industry was in its infancy. Their fi rst date was in a busy bar in central London that month and in August Jane fl ew out to Greece to meet Andreas’ family. They moved in together in early 2003 and on the third anniversary of their fi rst date Andreas proposed to Jane on the Great Wall of China. HE couple were married in Corfu in 2006 – they were among the fi rst couples in the UK to do so having met online. They live with their twin daughters and run a company which organis es weddings at locations across the Mediterranean ( www. ionianweddings. co. uk).
“Funnily enough it was my mother who suggested I go online,” says Jane. “She was so sick of hearing me going on all the time about these awful dates with men I had met in random places.”
Andreas was initially more sceptical about the process but felt reassured as soon as he set eyes on Jane. “I didn’t know what to expect so I was very relieved when eventually Jane walked in.”
So what is involved in meeting someone online? Firstly you need to create a profi le with detailed information about yourself and who you hope to meet.
Kate Taylor says that for many single people this is a watershed about your age, income or job. You are trying to build a relationship so the truth will always come back to haunt you. 5 Learn how to avoid married people. If someone is separated but not divorced that doesn’t mean they are not sincere. What you want to avoid are married people who are seeking something extra. These people generally won’t post a picture or will post one that is dark or grainy. They will be unpredictable in their communication with you, you’ll be put through to their mobile phone a lot and calls will be returned irregularly. 6 After you have emailed each other and perhaps spoken on the phone it is time to meet. The best location for a fi rst encounter is somewhere that’s inexpensive and where the time spent can be brief if necessary. 7 The etiquette of online dating in this country is to make it clear if you are still planning to see more prospective partners ( in the US not being exclusive is more commonplace). It’s acceptable to say: “I had a lovely time but I still wish to meet other people.” If you start dating, erase your profi le rather than hide it. 8 Finally stay safe. Never give out too much personal information, never give a home phone number, always meet in a public place for a fi rst date and trust your gut instinct. moment. “You suddenly realise that there are literally thousands of people living near you who are also looking for a relationship. You go from feeling that it is only you to realising the real power of online dating.”
She says it is vital to enhance your chances by posting a photo of yourself alongside your profi le.
“Our research has shown that people using photographs attract 15 times as many responses from people who don’t. A photo does two things – it shows your physical appearance but it is also another way to show visually the type of person you are.”
For that reason she stresses the importance of taking time to select images that are truly representative of your lifestyle. “If you state you are a sociable person but your photo shows you slumped on the sofa you are not projecting yourself to your best advantage. If you’ve been out and about over Christmas ask your friends to send you any photographs they may have taken of you during this time.”
And make sure you are looking into the camera. The least popular online dating photo is someone looking away from the camera while smiling. It makes you look shifty.
Candour is also important. “This is the fi rst stage of not hiding the truth,” says Kate. “There are so many people doing online dating now that someone will fi nd your lumps and bumps attractive so don’t hide them. Equally make sure your profi le is unique rather than generic. Generalities might not put anyone off but they might not draw anyone in either.”
The point when you want to make contact with someone is usually when a monthly subscription [ currently £ 12.99 per month for six months on match. com] is payable on a subscription website.
“If you are lucky that fi rst meeting will yield ‘ the match moment’,” says Kate Taylor. “That’s the instant when you realise that as well as liking your date you also fi nd them alluring.”
The rest is up to you…