99 YEARS OLD AND STILL A MAN OF HUGE STATURE...
FOLLOWING the news about the attempted coup in Turkey just over a week ago I happened to catch an interview with a British holidaymaker who was having problems getting home because all flights had been cancelled from the airport. Asked about the scene there, she said it had all been very confusing because, “There were very little people giving information and very little people providing security”.
Worried by this disturbing news, I tried to get a statement out of the Turkish airports authority but they insisted their information staff and security personnel were no smaller than those at airports elsewhere in the world and they denied having a quota system or other recruitment procedures that would unfairly discriminate against tall people.
The ILS (Irish Leprechaun Service) said they did not keep records of the employment history of their members in Turkey but insisted that if they were working at airports, they would supply information as accurately as anyone else. They suggested that I contact MADCAP (Midgets And Dwarfs Civil Aviation Personnel) if I wanted further information and this proved to be excellent advice.
A spokesdwarf from MADCAP proved to be very forthcoming when I told him of the Turkish situation. “I’m not at all surprised,” he said. “The employment situation for us little people has been pretty terrible since the Manuel Wackenheim case.”
“Ah,” I said, recalling the details. “You mean the French dwarf who took his government to court in 1996 for banning dwarf throwing.”
“Of course that’s who I mean,” the MADCAP dwarf said angrily. “How many other Manuel Wackenheims have you heard of? Anyway, the French courts ruled against him, so he took his case to the European Court of Human Rights, then finally, in 2002, to the United Nations and they all ruled against him.
“His argument had been that he enjoyed being thrown and their action in banning it constituted restraint of trade. The courts however said that dwarf-throwing was an affront to human dignity which was more important than the rights of an individual.”
“So are you saying that since the Wackenheim ruling, dwarfs who formerly earned their livings by being thrown have been having to seek employment elsewhere?” I asked. “Exactly,” he said. “Well do you have any theory to explain why so many of them should have been employed at Turkish airports giving information and providing security?” I asked.
“It’s only a hunch,” he said, “but our members often rush to apply for jobs when they hear that an organisation is short-staffed.”
News Flash: President Erdogan of Turkey is reported to have rounded up 3,000 midgets accused of giving poor information and security at airports. “I wasn’t even working there,” an OompaLoompa told us from his prison cell. “I’m just here on holiday from my normal job with Willy Wonka.”