Welcome and pull up a pew
RATHER like the worlds of film and theatre the church is in the business of putting bums on seats. But it’s not going well. Earlier this year it was reported that the number attending Church of England services has dropped below one million, less than two per cent of the population.
So you can understand the thinking behind the request by parishioners at Holy Trinity Church in the Warwickshire village of Long Itchingham. The old, woodwormy pews in this delightful 12th-century church were incompatible with the shrill demands of children and playgroups, so could they possibly instal new, upholstered seating which would be – you know – comfortable?
There had to be a hearing. These things cannot be decided in a hurry. And after due deliberation the Consistory Court of the Diocese of Coventry said no. “An overly casual appearance,” said their man Stephen Eyre QC (by which he meant upholstery), “can be incompatible with a house of God and can be as unattractive to newcomers as an appearance of excessive rigour”.
And you know what I think? He’s right. In fact I applaud the decision of the Consistory Court. Why should a church be casual and comfy? Tapestried kneelers ought to be as far as it goes, comfortwise.
When I was at school I spent a considerable amount of time in church and it was an object lesson in dealing with boredom, hunger, discomfort, splinters, cold and explosive fits of the giggles. I wouldn’t have missed it for anything.
On the rare occasions I go to church now I don’t want chumminess, or cushions, or handshaking, or coffee afterwards. It makes me squirm with embarrassment. And the Consistory Court is right to say that if you make too much effort to be welcoming it backfires.
If you go to someone’s house and they are over-solicitous, insisting you sit in the comfiest chair and pump your hand dementedly when you leave, then you feel simply awkward.
All sorts of organisations, not only the church, make desperate efforts to attract newcomers – especially the young. It can look frankly pathetic and needy.
This week conductor Jules Buckley who’s been responsible for some of the hipper, less traditional Proms at the Royal Albert Hall this summer – including the one in memory of David Bowie – said he was on a mission to rid the Proms of its image as an event for “grimfaced old men”.
Good for him but I didn’t even realise it had that image. Anyone who goes knows that Promenaders are full of fun and exuberance though they are serious about music. Nobody grim-faced at all.
So let’s hear it for the Consistory Court, standing up for not sitting down on padded upholstery. Let’s hear it for the austere loveliness of 12th-century churches and majestic, difficult music that inspires awe and wonder.
Long may the seats at Holy Trinity be a pain in the backside.