99 YEARS OLD AND STILL DEBATING FURIOUSLY...

TODAY we offer a new tale about the rivalry between St Opposite’s School For The Leftward Leaning and St Tory’s Academy For The Fiscally Gifted.

As you will recall, Jeremy was elected as Head Boy at St Opposite’s and now Theresa has become Head Girl at St Tory’s, taking over from former Head Boy David. Now read on:

As soon as Theresa went into the Head Girl’s Room, she saw what a mess David had left her. Quite apart from the usual problems, there was the matter of the EuroSchools Congress. Theresa had been told by everyone that the entry fee was too high and that far too many pupils from EuroSchools had been coming to St Tory’s to be educated and she had to sort it out.

Meanwhile, at St Opposite’s, Jeremy was also struggling as he too was under instructions not to play with the Europeans. Not really liking to make decisions on his own, he called a meeting of his prefects.

“What do you think, Diane?” he asked his favourite prefect, the only one whose name he could remember.

“I think the same as you, Jeremy,” Diane replied adoringly.

“What about you, boy in glasses?” he asked the boy in glasses.

“That girl at St Tory’s is going to do it all wrong,” said the boy in glasses.

“What about you, blonde girl who has been on school trips to Europe?” he asked the blonde girl who he felt might know a bit about Europe.

“Yeah, Theresa’s going to make a pig’s ear of it,” said the blonde girl.

“But she hasn’t told us what she’s going to do,” said Jeremy.

“She’s said we’re going to leave the EuroSchools,” said the boy in glasses.

“That’s not enough!” said all the prefects. “She must tell us how she’s going to leave, ‘cos we’re going to leave too.”

“Right,” said Jeremy. “I’ll send her an email and tell her she’s got to come here and tell us,” and he sent an email.

Only a few seconds had gone by before Theresa sent a reply. “No, I won’t,” it said. “You’ve got to,” typed Jeremy. “No, I haven’t,” typed Theresa. This battle of ideas continued until someone suggested that only the PTA could decide such an important matter.

After thinking it over, the PTA said they thought that Theresa had to come and tell everyone what she was going to do. “That’s rubbish,” said Theresa. “I’m taking the matter to the Board of Governors.”

“This is a tricky one,” said the Board of Governors. “Under the rules, she can’t just leave the EuroSchools on her own but we’ve all told her to do it so she’s got to.”

“But she’s got to tell us what she’s going to do first,” said Jeremy.

“I can’t say what I’m going to do until the EuroSchools tell me what they’re going to let me do,” Theresa explained, “and they won’t do that until I’ve done it. So let me do it.”

“Why are we arguing?” several pupils from both schools said. “We’re all agreed we’ve got to do it, so let’s do it then argue about it.”

“This is a tricky one,” repeated the Board of Governors [more later].