Definitely the last resort
ITRIED to like it, I really did. Plenty of people must do so given its enduring popularity: why else would BENIDORM (ITV) be back for its ninth series? As it so happens I have managed to get through the last decade without seeing any of the previous and so what better time, thought I, than to acquaint myself with what must be some sort of comic classic? Oh dear.
For the uninitiated, Benidorm is set in the fictional Spanish holiday resort of Solana and is peopled with embarrassing British tourists including an incontinent pensioner, transvestite hotel workers, fat and unfunny tour managers, randy grandmas, gay hairdressers (no cliché left unturned there), teenage blokes on the pull and, inexplicably, Nigel Havers, roughing it as a local dentist. This is Hi-de-Hi! (another series I never liked) in the sun, except I was under the impression Solana represents the type of resort that existed in the 1980s, when Hi-de-Hi! itself was going strong.
The plot, such as it was, concerned a family, complete with granddad, pitching up for a stay at the resort: granddad’s luggage has gone missing and he finds himself unable to fulfil his bodily functions, a matter which caused him some distress.
Queue hours (or so it felt) of lavatorial humour, an incessant and unfunny joke which involved him wearing a brightly coloured kaftan and, towards the end, an appearance of a grandparent from the other side of the family.
This one was 80 if she was a day but still with a taste for teenage boys, twerking and knocking back the booze: oh please.
Meanwhile, having played the role in an ill-advised remake of Are You Being Served? last year, Sherrie Hewson was channelling her inner Mrs Slocombe as a customer services person called Joyce.
I’m sure the fault lies with me, not least as there’s an American version of this on the cards, which means it must be going down well with someone somewhere but not only did I fail to raise a chuckle even once, I positively winced at the lameness of the humour.
This country has produced some of the sharpest and wittiest sitcoms ever made (Porridge, where are you now?) but we’re capable of producing a load of old nonsense as well. I gave it a try but there’s no way I’m going back to Benidorm.
Why does the British obsession with property seem to bring out the worst in some people? Presenter Kieran Long is personable enough but he didn’t half come across as a snootichops delivering judgment on a new house in THE HOUSE THAT £100K BUILT (BBC2).
Derek and Christine were a rather jolly couple in their 70s who, at a time when most people opt for the quiet life, decided to up sticks from Huddersfield and build a new home on the Kent/Sussex borders.
The result was something of a surprise. The couple were “old hippies” according to Christine, children of the Sixties who still loved travelling and music festivals, none of which was reflected in the extremely conventional proposition they came up with.
Local planning consents dictated rather than anything psychedelic, white cladding was the order of the day, while the interior didn’t upset the horses either.
“This design is never going to win any prizes,” said Kieran, striving to be enthusiastic but looking as if he’d sniffed a dead fish. Meanwhile, Derek, clearly couldn’t have cared less, celebrating his new house lolling around in a hot tub.
An inspiration to us all.