THE EUROCRATS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY WANT
JUST days away from the triggering of the EU exit mechanism, Downing Street officials are refusing to reveal exactly how Theresa May will deliver the nation’s goodbye request to EU Council President Donald Tusk.
Some of the more outlandish ideas for ordering the start of the Article 50 departure process range from a hand-written proclamation on goatskin vellum to a WhatsApp message. Perhaps nothing could be more appropriately British than a saucy seaside postcard with a simple “Wish you weren’t here” addressed to the Brussels bureaucracy scribbled on the back.
As Wednesday’s moment of destiny approaches, the noises from EU officials are increasingly contradictory. Chief Brussels negotiator Michel Barnier made bellicose empty threats about hammering the UK with a swingeing divorce bill of up to £60billion this week while Mr Tusk has been far more conciliatory.
And the confusion appears to be most acute in the case of JeanClaude Juncker, who switches between conciliation and hostility on an almost daily basis. The European Commission president recently spoke about wanting to tempt Britain back into the “European boat” and yesterday declared: “I am anything but in a hostile mood when it comes to Britain – we will negotiate in a friendly way.” In between those statements, he was insisting the Brits had to be offered a take-it-orleave-it deal that would show leaving the EU was “a bad idea”.
Mr Juncker’s behaviour is reminiscent of Lord Of The Rings author JRR Tolkien’s Gollum character, constantly bickering with himself about whether to do away with the hobbits and steal back the ring of power.
“We likes them, we don’t want to hurt them, precious,” he seems to be saying one moment before switching to: “Sneaky little Brexiters! Wicked, tricksy, false! We must have their precious money!”
The Gollum-like befuddlement is a symbol of the lack of agreement among the EU’s 27 leaders about how to approach the unravelling of the dream of a European empire. The single-minded Mrs May should have nothing to fear from the hopelessly muddled Eurocrats across the negotiating table.