BEACHCOMBER 100 YEARS OLD AND STILL FLYING FLIGHTS OF FANCY...

WHY do we only sing carols at Christmas? We’ve had two bank holidays this month after all. Don’t they deserve carols too? With that thought, I have penned a May bank holiday carol, sung to the tune of “I Saw Three Ships”.

We planned an early getaway, Bank holiday, bank holiday, At crack of dawn on Saturday, Bank holiday in the morning

The sun was shining strong and bright, Bank holiday, bank holiday, We’re well in time to catch our flight On Saturday in the morning.

But then we heard the flight’s delayed On Saturday, on Saturday, We felt a little bit dismayed On Saturday in the morning.

The trouble was we’d booked BA, That awful day, that awful day, They hope we’ll take off soon, they say, But not, they fear, in the morning.

We asked them what they meant by

‘soon’, On Saturday, on Saturday, They said, “Perhaps late afternoon, Or maybe early next morning.”

“Our IT system’s on the blink, Computer’s cursed, we fear the worst, We really don’t know what to think, It just collapsed without warning.”

Their electronic brain is out, This holiday, this holiday, The system worldwide’s up the spout No flights at all until morning.

And so we ranted, cursed and swore, For what remained of Saturday, And spent the night upon the floor, And tried to sleep until morning.

We saw three queues come snaking

round, When up we woke, oh what a joke, We crawled exhausted from the ground That ghastly day in the morning.

You take queue three to join queue

two, Said airport staff, said airport staff, And queue two joins the frontmost

queue, They said, this terrible morning.

I s’pose they rang their IT boys, That holiday, bank holiday, But heard a dull recorded voice, Bank holiday in the morning.

“We’re all away on holiday, Hooray, hooray, calloo, callay, Ring back on Tues- or Wed-nes-day, Requests till then we’ll be scorning.”

They’ve nearly cured this dreadful

blight, They tell us now, they tell us now, Unless you’re on a short-haul flight, Like us, this miserable morning.

So Sunday night we spent again, Our holiday, oh jolly day, In dirty clothes and weary brain, On Heathrow’s floor till the morning.

“We’ll give you refunds, if they’re due,” Say proud BA, say proud BA, “To re-book join the snaking queue,” Say proud BA in the morning.

Next time I’ll try another lot, And not BA, and not BA, Aer Lingus, Qantas, Aeroflot But not BA in the morning.