A monster in the midst
THE odd Sassenach viewer might not have recognised the object weighting down the body in THE LOCH (ITV, Sunday). Fortunately, right after the opening sequence (stunning Scottish scenery, grisly body five fathoms deep), another one showed the item in its proper setting. It was a curling stone, central item in that strangest of northerly sports, and clearly part of life in the little town situated somewhere near Loch Ness.
Friends meet up, competitively push polished stones across ice with special brooms, have a drink, that sort of thing. The younger generation, meanwhile, assemble fake, eviscerated Loch Ness monsters out of bits of gore they’ve filched from the local abattoir, in order to draw the news crews and ruin the tourist trade.
In a burg this bleak, you might think no one needs any dark secrets but they’ve got plenty of them too.
Actually this tartan-clad Broadchurch shows a lot of promise, not least in the way it plays on people’s Loch Ness fascinations. The tourists and some of the locals think there’s a monster in there. In among the blood and guts assembled by the pranking teenagers, it turns out there’s also a human heart, while deep out in the loch, anchored by that curling stone, floats a man with a hole in his chest.
The search for the owner of the heart, however, is diverted by the death of a gay piano teacher who knows as much about the locals’ peccadillos as their arpeggios. Local cop DS Annie Redford (Laura Fraser) is the Olivia Coleman of the piece, local girl, proud of her close, supportive community and ashamed of her teen daughter’s role in the monster-jape.
Shuttled in to be the unwelcome pair of fish out of water are the grouchy, countryside loathing DCI Lauren Quigley (Siobhan Finneran) and ace forensic profiler Blake Albrighton (Don Gilet). It seems Loch Ness does have a monster, an evil genius serial killer, to be precise, and they have to stop him before he strikes again.
There are clichés, but the script picks them up and runs with them (or sweeps them competitively over the ice with brooms, if you prefer a curling-themed comparison).
When the profiler demanded a press conference to feed the serial killer’s need for admiration, the wonderfully dry local police chief (John Sessions) suggested it was the profiler who wanted admiration.
“He turned down a job in Boston for this! He’s doing us a favour!” protested DCI Quigley (Finneran). “I’ve seen his fee,” says the chief. “That’s no’ a favour.”
So far, it’s got just enough freshness to make this not just another bleak Nordic-style crime thriller. If it turns out Nessie’s a suspect, I’m off.
CASUALTY (Saturday, BBC1) is of course the very opposite of a fresh, new drama series. It felt as if gangrene had set in last night, with various people debating multiculturalism and the virtues of free movement whilst suturing wounds and administering lifesaving procedures.
They might as well have done with the pretence of believable characters and stuck a load of posters up. Plus another poster warning people about the dangers of walking into this particular A&E.
If you’re gravely ill, on a stretcher, you’ll be fine. If you’ve just come in to visit someone, however, you’ll almost certainly end up in a coma. From the preachy lectures, if not from some hidden condition.