Peter Hill

CALLING on MPs to support Theresa May, senior Tories warn: “Don’t rock the boat.” Don’t they realise that the boat has already capsized? Mrs May is said to have wanted to resign immediately following her election catastrophe. Instead she was persuaded to (excuse the pun) Remain. Big mistake.

Now we have a Prime Minister who has lost all respect trying to run the country and negotiate Brexit with a bunch of hawkish Eurocrats scenting blood.

We are in such a weak position that we are likely to end up with the worst possible deal: still under Euro domination but without any say in decisions.

There is only one Tory with the ability to right the sinking boat. Everyone likes Boris, the only politician since Maggie to enjoy the rock star-like fame of needing just one name.

Beneath his sometimes clownish pose – and it really is only a pose – rumbles a formidable intellect and a clear grasp of the course that must be steered.

I doubt if he wants the job right now. He would step into the biggest mess since Ted Heath and there’s a risk that it might let Jeremy Corbyn into Downing Street, but that could happen anyway. And few can choose the moment when duty calls.

It calls loud and clear today. q ON election eve friends were confident that the Tories would win a substantial majority of 75 to 100 seats.

I wanted to believe them but shook my head. On May 23 when people were talking of a landslide I wrote in this column: “I worry what we will wake up to on June 9.”

On May 30 I wrote: “The Tories are not doing a very good job of making people believe in them.” Sadly my Job-like predictions came to pass, only more so.

Corbyn’s manifesto was no better than a childlike wish list but it chimed far better with voters than a Tory glum-fest that promised only to take things away. And how idiotic to alienate older voters.

It’s said that many people registered a protest vote for Corbyn despite knowing that his manifesto was unsustainable because they believed he would never be prime minister. I disagree. They voted for hope and a brave new world, a very tempting delusion. q THE Tory minority Government is unlikely to last long. There have been only three such administrations since 1918, all ending in failure. I remember the last one in 1974 when MPs were being carried in on stretchers to vote – exciting but unworkable. Harold Wilson had to call another election.

Forget the tortuous politics, it’s the Grim Reaper who will probably end it all. Just a couple of deaths and the odd scandal and the Government will no longer be able to survive a confidence vote. q WE were enjoying a walk by the Thames on Saturday when a bunch of cyclists approached. Nothing unusual about that except they were completely naked. It wasn’t a pretty sight, mostly older blokes whose wobbly bellies largely concealed their bits and a single woman looking rather embarrassed.

“Is that allowed?” asked my wife. “I don’t know,” I replied, “but it ought not to be.” “And what would you say if it had been a flock of gorgeous girls?” she said. “Well what would you say if it had been a load of Rafael Nadal lookalikes?” I countered.

Never answer a question with a question. That’s the rule but… q A PACKAGE arrived on my doorstep on Friday, a cardboard box about 2ft 6in by 2ft. I wasn’t expecting anything that size and opened it cautiously. Inside was a packet of special green tea which I had ordered online. Just this one package rattling around in a huge box.

It’s not the first time I’ve received small items in oversize containers but what a crime to waste so much cardboard. Usually there are wads of paper or plastic filling that has to be scrapped as well.

The 5p charge has thankfully reduced the number of supermarket plastic bags but there is still a massive packaging problem, much of which ends up polluting the oceans. It should be the next big campaign. q LET’S give a big salute to the brave seamen of the Queen Mary 2, who rescued 73-year-old lone sailor Mervyn Wheatley after his yacht was badly damaged in an extreme North Atlantic storm during a race. A cargo ship tried and failed to pick up Mr Wheatley in 50ft waves but the QM2 diverted to the scene and put out a launch. Instead of a watery grave he landed in a luxury suite waited on hand and foot. That’s what I call a happy ending. q THE 10th Baron Braybrooke died last week but none of his seven daughters will inherit. Instead the title goes to a distant male cousin and the 6,000-acre Audley End estate in Essex to another relative.

“If I were a boy I would be sitting pretty,” says Baron Braybrooke’s daughter Amanda Murray, 55, who has been running the estate. “In this day and age, with supposed equality, why am I not allowed to inherit my father’s estate?” Why not indeed? q SATURDAY turned into a most glorious evening. “Let’s play tennis,” said my wife. I hadn’t held a racket for over a year but reluctantly agreed. The wire fences skirting the courts in the park were clothed in sweet smelling climbers and the breeze was just enough to keep us cool. It was so lovely that, old skeptic though I am, I had an overwhelming sense of the Creator.

Except He/She was on my wife’s side. I lost.