Art of small talk is hugely important
THERE are umpteen reasons to adore Jennifer Saunders. Top of my list, surpassing even her legacy of decades of impeccable comedy, is her recent revelation about the importance of small talk. Rather than dismissing chit-chat as conversational flotsam, trivial, pointless, fit only to float off on the ether, Jennifer gives gassing for gassing’s sake the gravitas it richly deserves.
“You’ve got to have a little bit of small talk,” says Jennifer. “It’s there to stop those terrible awkward silences.” Originally shy and tonguetied when marooned in the company of a total stranger, Jennifer has developed small talk survival techniques. Instead of staring mulishly at her phone or gazing mutely into the distance, Jen simply does what polite people do naturally, she plunges in with a couple of questions guaranteed to evoke a response even in the most taciturn companion.
Jennifer favours: “Tell me about this…” or “Have you noticed that…?” and not only does she kindly pass those two gems on to all of us free and gratis, she also underlines the key to all communication, simply express an interest in the other person’s point of view.
HEALTHY curiosity is a colossal social asset. If you’re stumped for something to talk about just fling out a query. Within seconds you’ll see the sullen individual next to you morph into an animated creature of passions and scorching sentiments, or if not at least you’ll be treated to an indepth description of the tiling in his new en-suite.
Parents are shirking responsibility here. No mum or dad would fail to introduce their precious bundle to solids, acquaint them with the workings of a lavatory or enrol them in an educational establishment.
Yet somehow entire generations are being raised without any notion about how to facilitate, engineer or sustain a conversation.
Of course, we can blame phone fixation for a percentage of the catatonia but surely there’s an undercurrent JOHN Lewis helpfully tells us you can learn a great deal about a woman’s place of birth from the lipstick she wears. Apparently London ladies favour bright scarlet, Portsmouth women high-shine bright pink, Scottish lasses sport baby pink and Mancunians coral beige. Why it should be that Cardiff girls go for pink nude, Newcastle ladies nude and Leeds women berry plum is not explained. Does the information prove what I have long suspected? We wear what we have seen other women wear and utterly ignore professional beauty advice, pressure from pushy sales staff and so-called fashion trends. here of narcissism? If we’re brought up to believe that we are the centre of the universe, if we are so besotted with ourselves we don’t give a fig for other people, their views or life stories, why on earth should we waste good selfie-snapping time bothering to enquire about their love affairs, dissertations on Majorcan molluscs or new kitchen units?
What is the net result of years of self-obsession? The sad and dreadfully dull answer is nothing but the stultifying hum of white noise where once you would have heard the healthy exchange of prattle, gossip
I’LL BE STAYING COVERED UP
BRA Baroness Michelle Mone says: “I’m not frightened to get my cleavage out in the business world because it makes me feel feminine and that makes me feel powerful. I don’t believe you have to cover up your femininity to be a top businesswoman.” Even as I read her feisty words I’m conflicted.
Of course I don’t see the need to hide your twin peaks under a bushel just because you’re in the office. If you happen to be the kind of woman who enjoys flaunting your frontage and you are doing it simply to reinforce your confidence, why shouldn’t you allow your cups to run over?
On the other hand, is the work environment really the place to bare almost all? Isn’t it possible to feel feminine and powerful in a polo neck?
On reflection, although I wouldn’t choose to treat guests to my radio show to a bird’s-eye view of my 38DDs, and I can’t imagine feeling I’d be a better presenter in a plunge neckline than in a crisp shirt, I reserve my right to dust off my assets and display them if ever the urge is upon me.
That said, I can’t help wondering what, if anything at all, I’d be hoping to achieve? and good old tittle-tattle. So here’s the thing: small talk is an inaccurate term. Actually small talk is huge. It’s the bridge that ensures no man or woman is an island.
Teach your children and grandchildren to do a Jennifer and ask leading questions and you own at least one small brick in the wall of civilisation.