No rows, tantrums or sulks
IN theory the story about the couple who have never had a row in 75 years of marriage should be a real tonic for us all. Tim and Dorothy Walter, both 96, met while making Spitfires during the Second World War and married in 1942. The secret of such a long marriage is, they say, that they have never had an argument.
Really? Not one cross word? Not one outbreak of tetchiness in three quarters of a century? Not one slammed door? Not one tight-lipped sulk? Not a single: “Oh well I see it’s all my fault as usual”? No argy-bargy on the way to somewhere in the car? No recriminations? No sullen discussions about domestic finances? It seems hard to believe that anyone can live with anyone without occasionally wanting to strangle them and bury them under the patio. But if the Walters say that’s how it is then we must believe it.
They farmed together for more than 30 years and sailed round Europe in their boat. They have known tragedy too for besides their daughter Sue they had another daughter Carole who died in 1985. Bereavements can often shake a relationship apart. But not the Walters. And yet I find it hard to imagine such endless compatibility.
It’s not that I like rows or confrontations. And there is no doubt that a couple who are continually warring and bickering over something or nothing can sour the atmosphere in a home, making life miserable not only for themselves but also for their children. Nobody likes to hear their parents having a shouting match downstairs.
But without wanting to turn your home into a battlefield it should also be a comfort zone where you can put aside some of the usual inhibitions. It should be possible to be badmannered, spiteful, mean, grumpy and impossible, safe in the knowledge that it won’t really matter. This is what people mean by a strong marriage I suppose. You can call each other all the names under the sun (occasionally) knowing that neither of you will actually walk out the door and you’ll carry on paying the mortgage and planning next year’s holiday. You can’t behave like that with friends or colleagues – it’s too high-risk.
MIND you it’s a fine line between a bracing marital set-to and the sort of relentless attrition which is a sign that a relationship is truly on the rocks. But an overly polite marriage – forced smiles, quiet fury, secretiveness – could be a bad sign too. Having no arguments is all very well and harmonious but it also means no tearful reconciliations, no kissing and making up, no sunshine after the storms. To be honest, a lifetime without the occasional blazing row sounds dull. But that’s just me and of course one should never, ever comment on anyone else’s marriage. Irresistible though it is.
DON’T all rush at once but Roman Abramovich is single again, as in divorcing the lovely Dasha Zhukova. Play your cards right ladies and you too could enjoy the hobbity oligarch’s priceless art collection, his fleet of yachts, his private planes, his Ferraris, Maseratis and Porsches, his mansions, ranches, estates, brownstones, chateaux. And I bet you’d get free tickets to all Chelsea’s home games too.