100 YEARS OLD AND STILL STYMIED BY SEA LIONS...

MINUTES of the Extraordinary General Meeting of K-Slott (Keep Sea Lions Off The Tubes) held in the Conference Centre at Beachcomber Towers on 06.09.2017.

The meeting was opened by the president, Mr Beachcomber, at 11.47am. Explaining that the EGM had been called by the Whitby delegate, Mr Fischmonger, to discuss the urgent implications of Brexit on the activities of K-Slott, he explained that he had had a heavy night and there was a high probability he might nod off at some time, in which case he was to be awoken only in extreme circumstances. He then put his head down on the desk and handed over to Mr Fischmonger to deliver his report.

Mr Fischmonger then reminded delegates of the founding principles of K-Slott to protect the London Underground. Sea lions, he said, had been shown by Californian researchers to be capable of a cognitive task that had previously only been accomplished by humans and pigeons, which are precisely the two species known to make deliberate journeys on Tube trains. The evident brightness of sea lions thus raises the prospect of them also taking Tube trains which, in view of their immense size compared with that of pigeons, could be disastrous.

Miss Whiting, of Putney Bridge and all stations to Wimbledon, said that we know all that and asked Mr Fischmonger to get a move on. Mr Fischmonger then said he had finished his preamble and was ready to proceed with his main point which was that Brexit talks had not, as far as he was aware, even touched upon the potential problems caused in the UK by EU regulations relating to sea lions.

The EU seal regime, he pointed out, bans seal products from the EU market with the exception of those products produced by the Inuit and other indigenous communities resulting from traditionally conducted seal hunts.

Miss Whiting asked whether the EU seal regime applied to sea lions as well as seals. Mr Fischmonger said he was unsure. Miss Whiting suggested waking up Mr Beachcomber as he would surely know but the mood of the meeting was that this did not qualify as extreme circumstances, so Mr Fischmonger moved to his next point.

According to a recent report on the welfare of sea lions in travelling circuses in the Netherlands, he said, such sea lions, in the words of the report, “are probably mostly transported over short to medium distances (up to several hundred kilometres).”

Pointing out that the distance from Rotterdam to London by air is only 320km, this raises the prospect of circus sea lions being flown from the Netherlands to London, where they could cause havoc on the Piccadilly Line from Heathrow. Furthermore, he said, the UK Conservation of Seals Act 1970 only allows the control of seals to prevent damage to fishing nets, tackle or catch, and even then the seals must be in the vicinity of such equipment. Tube trains are not even mentioned. Mr Beachcomber then woke up, banged his gavel and proposed they all have lunch. His proposal was carried unanimously.