Is no one allowed to f lirt today?
AMALE colleague asked me this morning: “Is it still OK to tell a female colleague she smells nice?” Frankly the question fl oored me. On one hand I could see absolutely no reason why not. If a woman’s perfume, hair conditioner or simply her pheromones emit a delicious aroma why on earth shouldn’t someone thoroughly enjoying a whiff be free to say so? How, I wondered, could the sweetsmelling individual be anything other than complimented? What would be the possible grounds for offence?
Yet in the Weinstein aftermath it is clear that there is another hand. Could it be that the recipient would feel preyed upon? Would the remark seem too personal, too intimate? Would it imply that the person making it had contrived to get unprofessionally close in order to manage to inhale her individual odour? I sat silently striving to come up with a defi nitive answer.
All I managed was: “I think it depends on the context.” What I meant was that a boss remarking on the “smell” of a junior employee might evoke all manner of uncomfortable feelings. Yet a couple of colleagues on equal footing could happily comment on each other’s perfume without the least fear of retribution. The comment made with a lascivious leer and directed by an older man at a much younger woman could be seen as inappropriate. Yet the remark uttered by a 30- year- old to a contemporary wouldn’t even cause the tiniest ripple of ill feeling.
I knew my response was too vague to be helpful but I didn’t dare utter a gung- ho, “Of course he can and while he’s about it he can fl ing in the observation that her hair/ shoes/ dress are fabulous if he feels the urge” because nothing is that simple any more.
Will Weinstein’s legacy be offi ces transformed into silent sepulchres, cold and humourless, devoid of banter as workers button their lips, too scared to speak lest their innocent observations be served up to HR as heinous crimes? Or will he bequeath a new and vital level of awareness of what is grossly insulting, what is vile and base, what is demeaning and inappropriate and what might seem hilarious in the privacy of your own bathroom but travels badly into the workplace?
FYI, asking guests to my radio show this question elicited a perplexing variety of answers. Ruth Cadbury, Labour MP for Brentford and Isleworth, described the comment as “weird”, brow furrowed, expression horrifi ed.
Aisha Ali- Khan, of the Women United Blog, herself the target of sexual harassment at Westminster, called it, “OK if it’s not said in a lecherous manner”, while a taxi driver said he tells women they smell gorgeous all the time and has never yet provoked an irate response.